THANK YOU 2014

its a very cold wednesday morning.
its the last day of 2014.
my brother's gonna have some friends over for new year's eve.
me?
i'll be in my room
reading online manga
and perhaps make a 2015 to-do list.
oh
im also making a 2015 to-buy list.
teehee~~

2014
has been a great year
as what i predicted earlier this year (if you refer to my 2013 end of year post)
despite the things that had happened to the world
to our country
my prayers are always with you guys.
aamiinnn..

what has i achieve this 2014?
well.....

nothing much happened in january
still warming up the year i guess.
oh wait!
went to Jakarta for a family trip
because it was Azri's wedding.

turned 22 in february
yes with the one and only taylor lautner (i love you)
joined a leadership camp
in which was crowned as miss peramah
thank you very much
*pageant wave*

carried on my final semester as a college student
from march to april
which of course includes thesis completion
which is a one hell of a journey
Alhamdulillah i made it through
so phew!

went for a volunteering trip to Pontianak, Indonesia
which was a great experience
plus i made more new international friends
and
got the chance to become an emcee
for the cultural night.
hey!
international emcee okayyy
*flip shawl*

sat for my final exam
for the last time as a student
in may.

started my internship at CADS Enhancement Center in KL
in june.
an experience i will never ever forgot.
kinda get attached to the people there
especially the kids.

enjoying my life in KL (haha)
in july

had my first ever REAL boyfriend in august
yes people
HE'S REAL NOW.
hahah
people keep asking me how does it feel.

hihihihihihihihihihi

ended my internship in september
which means i have 2 months of rotting at home
waiting for my graduation in november

december?
more rotting
more life depression after graduating
not knowing where to go
i have a very dark future now
sobssss

and that's why
"FINDING A JOB"
is on the top of my 2015 to-do list.

well
goodbye 2014!

and hello 2015!


P/S: i hope there'll be fireworks tonight or else i'll be watching fireworks online

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN

did you hear the news?
another plane missing.
2014 has been so tragic.
3 plane incidents in a year.
it's trending now.
i dont really have much to say about this.
but my prayers are with the family and friends of the victims.
Aamiinn..

i've been travelling on planes every year.
and every time i flew,
i will always have this uneasy feeling.
like the plane's gonna crash or anything.
i know i shouldnt be doing that,
but that's just how my mind works.
because i like to prepare for the worst.
call me what you want.
but i believe that if He wants to happen, then it'll happen.
of course,
we should always pray and ask for the best from Him
Dunya wal Akhirah.
Aamiinnn...

i guess now you know why i was so damn worried
when you were away,
thousands kilometers away from me.
things happened when you're near,
let alone when you're far away from me.

to all my family and friends and you readers,
i love you
and please be safe.

assalamulaikum

GAME OF LIFE

yes.

22 going on 23

not daddy's little princess anymore.

a grown woman

exploring life.

its a start of a new journey.

a new chapter.

no more spoon-feed learning.

it is now the chapter 

where

we constantly learn by experiencing.

exploring

what's there to explore?

life.

it's a crazy big world out there.

got your degree?

good.

now find a job.

got a job?

good.

now get married.

married?

good.

have kids.

and the list goes on and on and on.

these are the things that

people expect you to experience.

it's the game of life.

you have to win.

what if you lose?

well

either you weep and do nothing

or

turn it around.

however

to win a game

it was never easy.

it's an obstacle race.

a heptathlon.

the hunger games.

the maze runner.

you're no game master.

you're no God.

win or lose

it's your game.

play wisely.

NO INTERNET

Believe it or not,
i've spent the whole day without internet yesterday.
the wifi was down,
my mobile internet quota has limited,
my phone credit balance is RM0.04,
what was i to do?

i tried to send telepathic messages to all my contacts.
crazy?
yes. i've been told.

i spent my day watching tv
and sleeping
and oh!
i broke a record.
i never finshed reading a book in a day.
yesterday,
i did!
it felt real good.

the wifi is still down though.
im using my mobile data to write this post.

Kuching, see you tomorrow!

OCD SCREENING TEST (ONLINE)

so i decided to take an online test on "DO I HAVE OCD"
okay i took 5 tests just to be sure..
but i only got results for 4 tests
because apparently the second test i took didnt provide me with any result

so

DO I HAVE OCD?

I DONT!

sekian,

FOOD WITH LOVE

my mom was in kuching over the weekend
to visit my sick uncle + my uncle who has just undergone his eye surgery + my aunty who's recovering from her broken toe.
you know how my family and food are like right?
like you'll have breakfast and then brunch and then lunch then tea then dinner then supper.
the food are always on the table.
so they were posting photos on the family group whatsapp
and of course i was jealous.
i mean
food and my gramps are like the best!
Yok's famous seri muka, cucur udang, pizza, pasta, lempeng
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah it'll take me years to list it all down.

since mama was in kuching,
so i pesan her to tapau back some of the food back to bintulu.
teehee~~

guess what?
she came home with a whole box of food!
i shed tears of joy.. hahah!
there were pulut manis, apam tapai, tapai, and of course seri muka!
and the sweetest thing is,
my Maksu,
she went to a birthday party
and then there was this oreo cheese cake with almond base,
she knows how much i love these sweet things.
and she insisted that my mom take it home for me!
i love you usu!
note that it was only one slice of cake and sebiji karipap like how they always pack the food for functions..

9 more days to go!

KUCHING HERE I COME!

xoxo

NOT A NORMAL AVERAGE HUMAN BEING

i know my holiday has been so boring.
but today is like the most boring of all boring days..
why?
well it's a weekend.
it's my first weekend at home without mama.
like i wanna spend time with mama!
paham sikkkkk...

i know manjak.
so what?

thanks to my awesome friendss
i managed to have some human interaction
machine as a medium..

you know how weird i get when im with my friends
especially with benon.
i just had the weirdest conversation with her today.

i phoned her and then i actually cried
sebab terharu that she would still pick up my phone walaupun nya tengah makan
and then i was rambling and talk nonsense and laugh like real hard (yes i hiccuped and snorted)
sampe kredit abis.
and then she called me back because she wanted me to hear her play on her keyboard.
we went from phone call conversation to voice note.
i was rambling about how i dont get human interaction since morning
and our voice note convo went like this.

"kau kan ada pusak. main ngan pusak ko ada kambin gik. main lah kau ngan urg rumah sebelah. bkan ko ada pusak kah? ko cakap lah ngan pusak kau mun sik kau klaka lah ngan asuk rumah sebelah.."

"aku klaka ngan pusak. pusak ya ngeyong ngeyong ajak. kakya aku tek nak ngeyong ngeyong jwak gia?boring lah! cam i need human contact like i need human language. PAHAM SIK?"

"apa salah kau ngeyong ngeyong balit ngan nya? kau kan bukan manusia pahal nak pelu kan human language or huma interaction? ngiihihihihihi"

"apahal aku bukan manusia? apa sekda rupa manusia ka rupa aku tok? eeeeeeeeee"

"hekhekhekhek apahal kau rasa kau manusia? kau memang lah macam manusia tapi.. a little bit weird.. er kott.. than a normal average human being. neda orang biasa nangis nangga pensel gugok arumbulak alu nak nangis alu sedih riok rembeh"

"whaaaaaaaaaat?? like you define normal average human being. like how are they supposed to act? sik macam aku kah? aku manusia jwak cam kau. mun aku bukan manusia kau pun mukan manusia okayyy"

"sebab ya lah ta 2 kawaaannn.. naaaa.. mun sik sik lah ko dapta kawan ngan aku nak. mun sik sik lah aku boleh berbual ada interaction ngan kau.. sebab ta 2 samaaaaa.. samaaaaaa.. pelikkkk.. mihmihmihmihmih"

"mena jwak non oh kira ta 2 duak dalm berjuta lah non oh? nak? nak? nak? naknaknaknaknak???"

and then benon tertido.

so saya bukan manusia.
okay.

WRITTEN BY FATIN'S HORMONE

you know how sometimes women get all emotional when they're on their period?
well maybe not all but some probably which includes me.
its no joke, really.
i wont blame you guys whne you say women are complicated.
we just are okay.
deal with it.
like you guys are so straightforward.
pfffttt..

it could be PMS
or MS in which im not really sure is a medical term..
well what im trying to say is before the menses or during the menses.
in some cases,
all the time
like nisa's epp lecturer.

i dont know how exactly the hormones work
because i never like biology in school.
speaking of biology,
i actually cried studying for biology back in school and matriculations.
like i know it's the study of living things
and we're living things
hence we should know what's goin on in our body and all the living things in the universe.
but it's just so complicated you know..
like URGHHH!

okay fatin...
calm down....

so yeah...
hormones.
it's like you're warming up before you do your school play.
happy face!
sad face!
surprise face!
now angry...
laughing face!
i miss doing plays.
gossshh...
the old times..
being on stage,
coaching the juniors for their play..
and then they called you when they got the results,
which they got second place and best actor.
and you were rubbing lotions on your grandma's feet when you got the news.
then you just cried out of happiness,
then your grandma was like:

"nakpahal kau tang ada ada nangis? aiehh.."

and then they thanked you like non-stop...
okay im drifting again...
maybe i should write this in a different post.

where was i?
hormones.
right.

like it's like any other day,
it's not really a big deal,
then somehow those little things
make you snap
or in my case,
teary.

like today,
since 8 am.
all i did was cry.
i went to youtube and watch this leukemic kid on ellen
like he's a big fan of the utah jazz (its basketball) and how they let him play with them.
he was bouncing the ball,
and the other players just pretended to block him
like in a real game
and then they actually helped him dunk .
like that is so sweet of em.
like awwwwwww...
and then there's ellen,
who prsented a 10k gift for the treatment and everything.
how can you not cry??????

and ayah just told me that mama is probably going to kuching tomorrow
to visit my sick uncle.
and i dont wanna be left alone at home on weekends!
and im crying again.
great.

it's not noon yet
and my tear gland is half empty.

yours truly,
hormones.

LET IT GO

i let go things easily

because i find that the "kecik hati" feeling

is a waste of a time.

because i believe that 

every actions have their own reasons.

i would lay down all the possible reasons of why they behave in such a way

because like

in this whole universe

everyone's different

twins may look identical physically,

but what's inside that differentiates them.

tipu lah if i never feel kecik hati towards people.

but then again,

i thought to myself.

is it worth it?

like what's in it for me?

then i forgive them.

and do forgive me if i ever feel that way

sometimes,

when i feel kecik hati

like very kecik hati,

i will tell.

i might tell you directly,

or maybe i would just give you the cold shoulder.

i hate doing the confrontation

like

who likes em right?

so far,

nobody has ever being confronted.

thank god for that.

always see the silver linings..

this is probably why

i still hangout with people i dont like,

people who my friends think that are jerks,

because those people,

are still people.

and as long as i still can tolerate with them,

then

why not.

call me hypocrite

but then again.

who aren't in the world these days?

unless

you really did me wrong

like the fact that i know you went behind my back

and stab me at least once

you're gone.

GONE.

if i ever did any of these to you people,

tell me straight to my face.

"FATIN, YOU'RE A B.."

this is a random inner thought post.

that's why it doesnt seem to make sense.

PET PEEVES

i figured that i get annoyed to a lot of stuff

sik tauk pun iolls tok cerewet duhal orang nyaa..

hewhewhew..

some of em may not make sense

but hey

if its annoying then its annoying.

fork and spoon (and knife) that are not of the same pattern.

i might wanna exchange them with you, if my spoon matches your fork or whatsoever.

people walking or working or driving in a veeeeeryyyy sloooooowwwww paaaace.

like

move people! move!

those who eats with becak sound.

please chew your food properly.

some people are trying to enjoy their food.

things that does not look like how it supposed to be.

like straight things that are not straight,

you know,

stuff like that..

things that doesnt go where it belongs..

sound volume that's not in a multiple of 5.

i dont know why..

sockets that are not switched off when it's not in use.

it's kinda dangerous you know..

bad smell..

which includes body odour, bad breath, asap rokok, dan lain lain.

you'll know it when you see my face cringing and i put my wrist to my nose

trying to absorb the smell of my body mist.

i think there're more

but these are so far what i could think of.

p/s: i always think that i annoy people so much. do i care? do i not care? meh.

PATIN THE ROTTING POMME (DE TERRE)

Wanna hear a sad story?

Okay here goes..

Once upon a time
There lived a girl named fatin.
She's on her break in which she just sits at home doing nothing.
Well she did all the houseworks last week and all there're left are daily routines:

Laundry,
Dishes,
Cat duty which includes feeding and poop scooping,
And vacuuming.

Other than that,
She just sits and rot
Like a potato doing stuff like:

Eating,
Downloading things from the internet,
Watching reruns of how i met your  mother, the big bang theory and malcolm in the middle,
Youtubing,
Eating,
Daydreaming,
Playing dumb ways to die, fly dragon, kim kardashian hollywood,
Eating,
Tumblring, blogging, 9gagging, tweeting, facebooking,
And eating.

The end.

SOMETIMES

You know

Sometimes
I hate myself
for not being nosy
Because
I always thought
That if they wanna tell me
They would tell me.
There's no need to force.

I hate myself
For not being brave enough
To text people first
Because
I always thought that i might be
Disturbing them
Like maybe
They're in the middle of something
And me texting them
Might be a distraction.
That's why i never do that
Unless memang penting.

I hate myself for a lot of things
But these are the things that i could think of right now.
So yeah.
Im hitting publish.

Hmmmmm..
I think this is my estrogen talkimg.
Whatevs

FATIN DICKINSON

different from you

by natasha hushairi & fatin farzana hamid

i am unique, different from you

im not perfect, and i dont think you're too

i do as i may, whatever you say

cut me some slack, im not gonna crack.

i am unique different from you

i am fragile that is true

i desire protection from people i care

a person like me is very rare

i am unique different from you

at first they say, "hey i dont like you!"

get to know me first before you judge

because im cool like a big chocolate fudge

i am unique different from you

i crack jokes out of the blue

i laugh out loud when i want to

i cry it out when i have to

i scream out loud when the ghosts go boo!

to be a psychologist is my aim

that is what i wanna do

natasha hushairi is my name

and i am unique and different from you

p/s: natasha had to write a poem about herself for her assignment and she asked for my help. so this is what we came up with. not bad huh? 

GRADUATION GOGGLES

= The relief and nostalgic feeling one has about a time in their life when it is about to end, even if the time was completely miserable.

i just told dolah to cherish every single moment with his classmates
while he still can
because im having a hard time moving on...

from my college life.

you know when people say your life would be totally different

as soon as you've finished your study,

that you'll miss everything about it,

in which you denied it before you even be in that situation?

they weren't lying.

im serious.

im even considering to further my masters in coursework

instead of research

because i actually miss going to class..

i miss the environment..

i miss that moment where i wasnt really listening to the lecturer

because i was too busy tweeting,
or playing dumb ways to die,
in which i had influenced most of my classmates

and in the end i got nothing... from the lesson i mean..

i miss that moment where i actually sleep during the whole 2-hour statistics class

because the lecturer was too slow.

i miss that moment where i was late for Dr. Teh's class

and sneaked in the back door

because i dont wanna hear him babbling about time management.

oh and that final 1 hour of his class which i usually sneaked out

and hang out on my own

eating doughnuts from the nearest kiosk

because i couldnt stand being in the class anymore.

that thrilling moment of getting my assignments done

the night before the deadline

because im an avid procrastinator.

note that i started doing my thesis proposal one week before the presentation

and not to forget the actual research..

that feeling when i dont wanna go to class

and because we have an 80% attendance policy

i actually calculated the days of absence im allowed to have
to at least get that 80% attendance.

that annoyance when my group members
did a crappy work on the group assignment
in which i always ended up doing the whole thing on my own.
because im a perfectionist when it comes to those kinda work.

the conversation i had with Dr Tan
which he would always end up saying,

"Alaa.. you belanja me laa.. you kan banyak duit. orang kaya.. we go karaoke ka. watch movie ka.. can?"

that moment when i was caught
not attending Dr Kamal's class
because i was stranded at the faculty due to the heavy rain.
and i had an assignment to be submitted to him that very evening.
and we were like,

"haa Dayang, awak ponteng kelas saya eh?"

"bukan ponteng, sir. it was raining heavily. saya stuck kat faculty.."

"banyak la alasan awak. ponteng tetap ponteng.."

"betul sir.. hujan lebat kan pagi tadi.. sir nak chocolate?"

"tak nak.. saya tak ambil rasuah dari students.."

"eh.. sir ni bukan rasuah.. ni ikhlas dari student kepada lecturer.. haaa..."

"hahah.. macam2 la awak ni.."

and he would always tease me in class
when he brought the ponteng topic up..

aaaaaaaaaaah...
im really missing everything.
as much as everything annoyed me before.

A BOX, A LADDER, A HORSE & A STORM

so lela dropped this on me just now.
its not really a game though.
more of a personality test.
just thought i would share it.

so here goes.

size: small,

colour: brown

opacity: opaque

position: corner

number of steps: 16 and descending

my horse is free and is always on my right

it is faaaaaaaar faaaaaaaaar away and ilang datang

 so according to lela,

this is the analysis...

yep..

sometimes i lie to people

so that they wont be too worried..

because burdening people with my problems

is the last thing i wanna do.

unless i really really need support.

yes i have many friends..

and i love em all!

dont really like being lonely..

and yes i always think negatively,

the worst of the worst..

because when i think too positively of something,

it always ended up badly..

so when i think things negatively,

and then it turned out to be the opposite,

i wont be as disappointed..

well..

i am in a LDR

teehee..

and yes.

do what you want,

as long as you know your limits

because it's your life

and i dont wanna be in your way

refer to statement about box.

so there you have it.

TREASURE

bonjour tout le monde!

one week has passed,

and i still havent moved on from my internship.

everyday i would be like,

oh! its 8.30 circle time!

oh! 9 gym time!

oh! 9.30 breakfast!

oh! 10 they are all in class!

oh! 12 lunch time!

pathetic?

yes.

told ya im never great at saying goodbye.

to people, to things to everything!

that explains why i still keep things from ages ago.

i had a hard time deleting all the stupid whatsapp photos from my phone the other day

now that everything has been deleted, 

a part of me is kinda sad.

move on fatin move on!

speaking of which,

i did a lil bit of spring cleaning yesterday,

because my room is kinda a mess after they built the new closet.

so i found some stuff from back when i was still in high school

which is like 5 years ago.

OMG!

im old!

movin on....

just thought i would share some of em to you guys..

my first ever mp3. 

alkisah,

"ma, if i get straight a's for pmr i want an mp3 player.."

this was and in thing back then.

i remember parina had one in pink and farabi in black..

hahah..

the sad part is,

it was in the pocket of my baju kurung in which i sent it to the laundry.

yessssssss...

dah rosak..

T___T

after pmr,

we had this program

in which we were the pioneers.

MARA Gifted and Talented Youth Program..

so we were asked to write a diary on it.

reading back what i wrote.

so high school!

hahah

so like when we go out and wakil maktab,

we would definitely meet new friends and all.

and we would like exchange gifts and letters and such.

this is a letter from atiqah.

i met her masa iron baju d mrsm kuala klawang

we were waiting for our turn so we talked.

she's so nice and lemah lembut.

we met again in 2008 at muadzam shah.

a paper bag which we bought together back in 2008.

we = parina+eja+nini+wanny+embok+fatin.

so back in 2008,

i was the treasurer of badan wakil pelajar

in which i took care of the money as well as the inventory in the bilik gerakan.

so everytime during meeting,

i dont know why tapi this lorry memang pake main masa meeting.

i kinda feel like it has that sentimental value

so i brought it back home.

hahah!

remember this pieace of paper?

where you write raya greetings on it and give it to your friends?

i think this the last one i received before people stop sending this.

it was from farabi.

we sat together in class.

he had this whole tin of cream crackers

which is kept between our table

and we would share it during prep hours.

i kept my papers in my desk

so whenever he wanted to use it,

he would just take it without my consent.

we liked to wrap our table with present papers and would like decorate it with stuff.

this is from nazrin

he's very artistic i tell you..

he made this for me..

yepp..

still keep it.

this is the one that i did.

creative lah gilakkkk...

pfffttt...

hahah!

this is a cute one.

during english class

we were asked to make an ad for Taman Negara.

like konon visit malaysia year.

so we made something like

do you remember the visit singapore ad?

the one which went like

oh unik nya unik nya unik nya, singapura.

so our version was like

oh! so unique so unique so unique, Taman Negara

i was the tourist and each of us had like our own verses to sing.

there were parina, wanny, eja and syidah if im not mistaken.

the guest book for our graduation day.

spot my name?

nerd alert!

we walked all the way from pasir pandak to maktab

we started walking after isyak and arrived around 2 in the morning.

bronze.. not bad huh?

okay this is the last one.

not pooh but the mask.

our senior dinner theme was masquerade

so everyone gets one mask.

let me go back to school!

ADIEU

Just reading and chillin in the garden
When i realise i have 4 more days left
With the CADS kids.
Ive bonded well with my colleagues.
And saying goodbye is always the hardest
Been tearing up when naim mentioned that i wont be around in less than a week to the kids.
When kak rini asked when will i be departing then she sang a sad indonesian song.
When the interns from uk had their farewell last friday.
Time flies so fast.

Well
as hard as it gets,
We have to move on.

Life has to go on.

NIGHTMARE OR NAY?

I dont know why but that dream is haunting me.
Maybe because it's my first
And i dont really know what to do.
Like seriously.
My brother follows my blog
but i dont think he'd read my recent posts
because if he did
he wouldve text me like poret.

My mom and aunty still think im imaginatively dating syed fuad.
Yes dolah.
I have an imaginary boyfriend which mama approved.
*insert evil emoji*

So i dreamt that i had the talk with ayah one day.
He asked me who's my boyfriend.
So i mentioned dolah.
Then he laughed like real hard.
Then i asked him why.
He asked me what happen to my actor boyfriend
And i was like who? Lautner?
Then he was like. Yes. Him.
And i was like. Ayah,he was never my boyfriend.

So now everytime mama called
I always hope that mama wont even mention a thing about guys
Because im still not ready to tell.
I mean
How do you introduce your partner to your parents?
How do you do that?
Apparently asking dolah gave no result because he doesnt know it too.
We came up with a solution.
Raya visiting.

But still.
How??

I guess we have to wait for next year to know that.
InshaAllah...

Yerrrrrrrrrr fatin.

Bye.

P/s: maybe that dream is a good sign

I WANNA TAKE YOU OUT ON A DATE

Kyle: nak letak bag sini lah dekat cikgu. Cikgu kan cantik, pretty, wonderful..

Me: really? You think so?

Kyle: mm-hmm.. i wanna take you out. Buy you shoes, baju, bags. Bring you makan.. nak tak?

Me: nak! Bila?

Kyle: next time laa.. when im 18, ill have my own car. Then i take a test. To drive.

Me: then you bring me?

Kyle: ya laa.. i buy flowers, chocolates, then give to you lah..

Me: awwwww... so sweet..

Kyle iqram, 11

P/s: dolah, top that.  :p

RAYA 2014

Not too late to wish you selamat hari raya kan?
So selamat hari raya!!
I was working on my internship weekly report
which i stopped doing after week 2
Because im lazy like that.
But then i got bored and distracted
And hence the procrastination.
Ngeeee~~

Plus
Someone's busy doing his lesson plans and ABM
sebab ada observation tomorrow
So
Lets not disturb him okay?

So what's my raya been like this year?
Hmmmmm lemme see....

Slept for only like 3 hours or less, cleaning and decorating the house on raya eve
With a lil bit help from le brother
as well as pak osen and family.

raya day 1 was kinda hambar
So went out with amy and laila and her lil sister
For some chocolate brownies
Because well someone was craving for it and it wasnt amy or laila let alone her lil sister.

Raya day 2 with la famile
Which ended at Mok's house
Because Pak Asan had a lot of fireworks and decided to play it that night.

Raya day 3 with amy
Went to lina's open house
And boy her mom made the best rendang ever!
Since nobody else were home
So we went to sugarbakes for some tea
Because it was raining
And because amy didnt wanna go home yet
She had a family gathering that night so she sent me home before maghrib.
So managed to have some friends over.
Thanks nini eja nadia parina dolah abang hisyam and friends zikri salam samim ismail anip jaha munir and azam for coming!!

Raya day 4 with my other girls
Went to nini's open house with saza and muni
then met up with ajwad and arief
Went to eja's then roza's then amy's which i met up with fahdina then sent fahdina home which we met up with salam and ended up sending muni back with salam's car because was too lazy to drive.
Oh dont worry.
I left my car at fahdina's so went to get it after..

Raya day 5 were full of open houses.
Lunch at pak osen's
Hi-tea at saza's
Dinner at nisa's.

Stayed home on day 6
Because natasha wanted to come over.
Waited for her since morning and she only came after asar.
Went to watch guardians of the galaxy
With dolah that night
Im which i slept during most of the movie.
So much for a first date.
Hnnnnnnnghh..

Day 7?
Back to KL for i have work on monday.

I think that's about it.
Better get back to my report.

How's your raya?

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Raya day 3,
If amy didnt have to go for a family gathering,
If i hadnt be home by maghrib,
If i wasnt being all random and said what i said,

I wouldnt have met you.

To know that someone appreciates you as you are,
That somoeone thinks you're cool and that the other men are blind not to notice that,
That someone is afraid to lose you to the other men,
That someone wouldnt let you be a cat lady living alone with 27 cats,

Is kinda awesome.
Thank you and i hope you meant every word.

Okay sila ingga bye.

ANOTHER DEPRESSING POST

Assalamualaikum and good night peeps!

AL-FATIHAH

Salam. Uncle TJ and family on MH17. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun.

it never cross my mind that someone so close would get involve in such tragedy.

all there're left are memories..

i remember Uncle TJ would always crack jokes with mama when they meet.

i remember Aunty Ariza picking us up from school when ayah was busy with stuff.

She drove a green kelisa with colourful steering wheel.

i remember Afif, Afzal, Marsya and Afruz were all so small and cute the last time we met.

Al-Fatihah.

Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return.

FORGIVE AND FORGET

So I just watch the viral peugeot ccm 25 video.

I dont know about you but I cried.
Why?
Because somehow it's sad.
A muslim yelling at the old non muslim chinese.
It's just so embarassing.
Like what the hell
I  doubt that he did it on purpose.
What's in it for him to langgar the peugeot on purpose?

Kan berik malu urang islam jak gia?
Islam taught us to forgive and forget.
Not to yell and bash.

Embarassing.
Just.
Plain.
Embarassing.

HURT

the least i could do is be happy for you..
even though there's a whole major part of me that's hurting..
because to love is to let go.. (really?)

i cannot blame you for not being aware..

it's entirely my own fault for not letting it out..

isnt it stupid to be scared of your own feelings?

to be scared of losing?

to be scared of the fact that we dont own the world?

come on, girl.

be sensible.

be realistic.

it's a crazy world out there.

crazy.

CRAZY.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

Hi babe! I miss you! So how was your day?  Tell me ALL about it... im all ears.

A text or a even better, a call from a boyfriend is what I long for..
To hear my everyday rants...
My everyday stories....

Hmmmmm...

P/s: sorry for being too emotional on this matter while it was something that I shouldn't be wasting my time on.

BEING SPECIAL

Assalamualaikum!

Despite the fact that i dont really like kids, Im enjoying my internship.
Today was internship day 2 and I just got my daily schedule since she was absent yesterday.
Miss azhani is really nice.
I like her A LOT.
She has IT backgroind and somehow ended at CADS.

What's CADS you ask?
It stands for cerebral palsy, autism, dyslexia & down syndrome and slow learners.
It's a school for the special kids.
Trust me, they are very special in their own way.
That's why I enjoy it so much.
You get to see different behaviours everyday.
If I were to tell you how they were like, this post wont be enough.
Not even the whole blog.
There's so much stories to tell.
Every kid has their own story.

So I was briefed (is this a word?) By miss hani today on what Im suposed to do as a teaching assistant.
Yep!
You're now reading TEACHER FATIN'S blog. Lol
My working hours is from 0800 to 1500.
Im on children duty every day in which I look after the children while waiting for someone to pick em up.
No formal wear to work but doesnt mean I can wear jeans.
Raya holiday is one week.
Yep! Gonna be in kuching for that one whole week woohoo!
And for a friend's birthday as well.

What else can I say?
I love my job!
And let's just hope it will be consistent okay?
InshaAllah..

Oh
I was moved by watching the kids performing Zuhur prayer just now.
Despite their disabilities and speech impairment, they were taught to sujud to The Almighty.
They memorised the bacaan bacaan solat as well as the doa selepas solat

What about us?
Created as normal beings, no impairments whatsoever.
Why won't we sujud to Him?
Are we not grateful?
Astaghfirullahalazim.

Think about it.
Jom muhasabah diri.
Assalamualaikum.

SCOOP THE POOP (LOL)

Assalamualaikum!
Here's some scoop.

I am already in kl for my internship.
Went to the workplace yesterday to learn the route and get to meet my supervisor
And look around the place.

Drove to and from the workplace twice today just to familiarise myself with the route since I'll be driving alone.
Kept losing my way back from the workplace but luckily there's gps so it rerouted so many times for me.
Well thank you technology!

I think that's about it for now.
Keep in touch for more updates!
Oh and salaam ramadhan kareem to all!

P/s: had a talk with mama and mak yah on boyfriends and girlfriends and they were like: "you people ah, highly educated and all but when it comes to relationships, fail! You guys give talk here and there, but dont even know how to get a boyfriend.." lets talk bout this in some other post okay?

YOU WIN SOME YOU LOSE SOME

I now realise my weakness is that I'm afraid of losing.
That's why I've never really played the game like ever.
I just plain hate the feeling of losing

Hey fatin!
Life's not about winning.
Its about taking chances.
Yes it hurts when you lose.
But that's how you learn.
Maybe that's not the prize you should be winning.
Maybe there's a bigger prize.
You dont know know which is the prize for you until you make your move in the game.

So fatin,
Are you ready to make a move to win?
Or you would wanna lose without even playing?
Or that you're now willing to flip the coin?

Your call.

P/s: was smiling all the way home. Hik hik hik

MY FIRST BOYFRIEND

I may act cold towards you at times
But that doesnt mean that I dont love you
It's just that sometimes
I need to be careful with words and actions
So that I won't hurt your feelings
Because that's how much I respect you
As a father

I may not be as expressive as adek,
But I guess I dont really have to show it
Because no child could ever not love their father
After all,
there's no other need in a child,
Except for the protection and love from a father.

You're the first guy that I've ever loved and always will be
Since the very first day I saw you.
And so far,
Nobody could ever top that
(Yes ayah.. I still dont have a boyfriend so you dont need to worry)

Happy fathers' day!

P/s: I dont have the courage to send this to ayah so I post it here instead. :)

READ BETWEEN THE LINES

i may look happy-go-lucky in the outside
but nobody really knows what's going on in the inside.
you have to be really awesome to decode my feelings
lets just keep that way okay?
until i found the one who can decode that.

i figured one of the reasons why i've never been in a relationship
is because i dont express my feelings well.
my brother knows that.
Alhamdulillah she's my brother and that he knows even i've never really show it to him,
i love him very much.
right adek? right?? right???

today,
i googled "how to not say i miss you without having to say i miss you"
because i guess im just too embarass with my own feelings.
so i came up with,

"you know, it's been a while. i think we should hang out some time when you're less busy.."

having to say that is already embarrassing enough for me.

oh my.

FATIN CHIN UP!

I used to be someone who is single and happy about it.
Now  I'm still single and all depressed not being in a relationship..
What has I turn into???

You know what's even more pathetic?
I even went to the drive thru to see whether im in luck to meet mr DT again
Even though I've had dinner at my aunty's

Nope.
No luck.
Now I feel stupid.
Feel so desperate.

Gave my mcnuggets to anis instead.

I need to overcome this conflict.
Stupid erikson.
Why do you have to come up with auch conflict?
If you learn human psychology, you know what im saying.

A little shoutout to my friend who has gotten herself a boyfriend.. you know who you are. I know I should be happy for you. Sorry for being all depressed. Deep down you know im happy for you.. ^^

TINA AND HARRY

tina meets harry.

tina likes harry but tina kept it only to herself.

because that's how tina is.

little did they know, harry likes tina too.

harry told tina first, but tina was embarassed.

not long after, tina told harry the same thing.

but tina wasnt really sure and so does harry.

so they decided to be buddies.

tina believes that a guy and a girl can hangout together, without having feelings for each other.

tina realised that she was wrong.

tina started to have feelings for harry again,

and this time for sure.

tina does not express her feelings well verbally, so tina expressed it through her actions.

tina cheers harry up when harry feels down.

tina says yes when harry asked her out and would do anything just to make it only the two of em.

tina entertains harry when he's bored.

tina comforts harry when he's in trouble.

harry said he's glad to have tina.

harry's glad to have tina who always comfort him.

harry said he sayang tina.

on the side note, harry shares everything to tina.

including the secrets that harry had never told anybody before.

tina knows a lot about harry.

however, harry doesn't know a lot about tina.

tina was flattered.

tina was over the moon.

tina likes harry more and more.

however, tina was confused.

harry's words and actions are in-congruent.

once, tina told harry that she will be there by his side no matter what,

as words of comfort that is.

harry was grateful but he's afraid that if he take the relationship to a different level,

it might jeopardise the friendship.

harry misunderstood the statement.

that's not what tina meant.

tina was just grateful to have harry,

that tina was the one who harry came for when he has problems.

harry always told tina about the gilrs he met.

at the workplace,

at a restaurant,

and even online.

tina listens to harry's story.

even though it hurts, tina would just support harry.

"go for it!", tina said.

tina was a little bit mad.

tina was mad at harry for not realising her feelings towards him.

tina was mad at herself the most for not being able to tell harry.

tina chose to stay quiet even though it hurts.

tina's heart is aching.

still, tina chose to wait.

tina kept telling herself that's its fine.

well at least that what tina wants to believe.

because that's tina.

tina hopes that one day harry would realise that tina is the one who's always there for him.

one day, harry will understand that.

but tina also have to understand that harry cannot read minds.

so sooner or later tina has to let harry know.

but tina chose not to.

not yet.

maybe harry's not the one.

tina has to find some other guy.

but it wont be easy.

and so tina keeps waiting...

MR DT

okay im writing this with a very huge smile on my face.
call me what you want but it really made my day..
considering it was my first..
because this thing rarely happen to me.
RARELY.

okay so here goes...

i went to the drive-thru to buy dinner..
while waiting for the car in front of me to pay for his meal,
i get ready with my money..
i didnt realise that the car had moved over,
so when i did, i was panicking and put aside my money and moved over..
there were 2 guys at the paying counter, one in black and the other in blue uniform.
the one in blue was watching me and giggled as i was panicking to move over
i was so embarass.
i think i made my panic face..

oh did i tell you the guy was cute?
yep!
typical malay look - my type of guy..
lets call him mr DT.

and sooo as i reach the counter,
mr DT was still smiling and im not sure why but the 2 of them switched places.
because at first the guy in black was in-charged with the cash register.
and so mr DT was the one who gave my change.
and as i moved over to the collecting station,
i could see from my rearview mirror that mr DT was still looking out of the window.
could he be looking at me?
ahaks!

guess what???
he was!!

the lady at the collecting station told me that mr DT asked for my wechat ID!
i was so embarass that i told her i dont have one in which i was lying..
and plus,
perempuan harus lah jual mahal nak?
we dont wanna look so cheap..
if he was really interested, he could have left me his phone number and we see from there.
right? right??

but the other part of me regretted that i didnt give it to him.
who knows it could be a start of something i never had?
for the record, i smiled all the way home.

thanks mr DT!
til we meet again okay?

^_^


p/s: i tell this story better in person, complemented with my excited face and my facial expression.. ahaks! you dont believe me? ask fahdina..

THAT UGH FEELING

according to my P calendar, i have 4 days left.
i guess that's explain my PMS.
been so depress lately.
being upset all the time.
everything seems to piss me off.
searching for distractions to keep my mind on track.

ugh!

SIGNALS

blinkers on cars are invented so that one driver could tell the other driver 

that he's switching lanes or making a turn.

why? 

because humans can't read minds.

there's no such thing as telepathic communication.

you dont expect people to know what you were thinking.

you dont expect people to know what you were about to do.

you have to TELL the other person.

in this case, TELLING the other drivers with BLINKERS.

because that's how you explicitly show your actions.

no mind-reading game whatsoever needed.

but then there's a different case of giving mix signals.

you turn on your left blinkers, but you turn right.

or vice versa.

what exactly are you trying to do??
what exactly are you trying to tell the other person?

i mean.... DRIVER?????

WHAT?????

that you were thinking of turning left but change your mind at the very last minute?

or are you actually plannign on turning left so you turn on the left blinkers, and you turn right instead as a backup plan?

or you actually wanted to make the right turn but accidentally turn on the left blinkers?

or you're so crazy that you turn the left blinkers on for fun 

and without thinking about the other driver, 

you just simply turn right even though you explicitly show that you were about to turn left...

please.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

MISTAKES

"There are certain things in life where you know it's a MISTAKE

but you don't really know it's a MISTAKE

because the only way to really know it's a MISTAKE is to make that MISTAKE and look back and said,

"YEP, that was a MISTAKE."

So really,

the bigger MISTAKE would be to not make the MISTAKE

because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing

if something is a MISTAKE or not."

-Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother (Season 1, MIlk)

DR H.

"kak nadwa's pregnant.."

"oh.. yerr aunty mozie nak jadi grandma"

"dr haziq is still single!"

"oh okay ma. kakya? ya jak?"

"he started doing surgery already.."

"ohh..."

hmmmm mama pantun alang alang. =='

CRUSH(ED): A (VERY) SHORT STORY

"I wanna approach her.. but I'm afraid."

"hahah.. don't be. did you wait for her at the main entrance as i told you?"

"no... i finished early. im not gonna wait for 5 hours for her.."

"do you want her or not?"

"hmmmmm..."

**********

"damn it she's not in the cafeteria!"

"wait laa.. sheesh.."

"it's 8.30 am!"

"maybe she's running late?"

"her carpool was here since 8. hmmm... bad start."

"relax, be positive would you?"

**********

"OMG she's with me in the elevator! dubdabdubdab.. damn it! i can't move!"

"GOSH.. you had your chance! *facedesk*"

"i think she's taken. she's having lunch with a guy. :("

"awwwwh... cheer up okay?"

"i need my alone time right now."

SPINNING YARNS

Ted: I'm just a boring old man who won't stop spinning yarns..

The Mother: Hey! I love your yarns. I hope you never stop spinning them..

- How I Met Your Mother (episode 19, season 9)

as someone who talks a lot,
and have a lot of stories to tell
even though sometimes it is not that important
and doesnt make sense at all,
I hope my future spouse would find my stories interesting
and never get bored of them

as much as how The Mother loves Ted's stories....

FROZEN WAFFLES

soooooooo i'm gonna head out there and look for a paper 

so i could eat yummy frozen waffles with ice cream!

BUT WHERE?

UGH growing up is so haaaaaaaaaaarrrdddd...

T________T

WEEKEND WELL-SPENT!

remember my last post?

hah!
it turned to be a good surprise for me!
that was one great weekend i had.
considering it was within the UNIMAS compound,
i had a whale of a time!

well as cliche as it sounds,
we started of with ice-breaking..
duh~
we played this guessing game
where we had to guess the object written on our forehead
by asking ONLY yes or no questions to the other group members.
and that object will be our new identity for the weekend.
i was *cough* Ariana Rose *cough*
heheh...
and yes there was Adam Kamil too..
ngeee~~

the fun gets fun-er on the second day..
we went jungle trekking, in which in i was scratched by the thorns and even got a splinter in which was taken out by Aubrey and Zunnurain.
Thank you guys!

and then it gets fun-er because i get to do abseiling!
i volunteered to go fist because it looked so much fun.
and it was!
i was considering to do it again.
maybe some other time, from a higher place.
ngeee~~

later after lunch, we did a module called "water confident"
in which we learn to unite with the water.
LOL
uniting with the water....
i dont really know how to swim, so i joined the lucky 20 who gets free swimming lesson from the JPAM!
thank you JPAM!
i only managed to float after the handsome one taught me.
ahaks!

and of course after all the outdoor activities
i was tanner than ever.
luckily i put on some sunscreen so i wasnt really that dark.
phew!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand guess who won the "Miss Peramah" award????
*cough* Ariana Rose *cough*
*insert dramatic tears of winning and award and long speech of acknowledgement*

THANK YOU PEOPLE FOR VOTING!
hahah..

so i'll be free this weekend and Nisa will be in town! (again)
didnt get to see her last week during Azri's wedding reception..

and i'll be back on the road to Simunjan next weekend!
until then,

Assalamualaikum!

SO-CALLED SURPRISE

i'll be off to a place that i dont even know where i'm going because apparently the higher committee members decided to keep everything's a secret. i dont really mind where i sleep or where i'll be staying or what i'm gonna eat. i just have to know the activites so i could prepare stuff for the activities.

I JUST HATE SURPRISES.

p/s: if i'm not back on the internet by Sunday, please call the cops! hahah joking.

SINCERE

a friend once told me (i rephrase):

"fatin, having a boyfriend is not important. what important is having a sincere friendship/relationship.."

#notetoself.

BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIIIIIIREWOOORKK~~!

its chap goh mei and my neighbours been playing the fireworks and firecrackers non stop since 6pm!
my room starts to smell like smoke now.
i love fireworks.
fireworks make me so happy..

i was like

"OMG! FIREWORKSSSSS!!"

"OH WOW THAT'S SO BIG!!"

"THERE IT IS AGAIN!!!"

watching fireworks is definitely on my to-do-on-a-date list.

HAPPY CHAP GOH MEI!

TEARS OF......

i was eating lempeng while watching vivy yusof and fadza anuar's wedding on raikan cinta.
my tears were streaming down my cheeks throughout the program.
if it were caught on camera,
i would certainly look lie a lonely fat lady,
crying while watching people getting married.

but i wasnt crying because im a lonesome 4'8 lady who never even had a boyfriend lah.
im not that desperate.
sheeshh..
i just adore their love for each other.
the bond among the family.
i'm just so happy for them.

:')

ABUDEN?!

i entered a perfume store,
i'm looking for a new perfume because mine was confiscated by the airport security in Jakarta.
because apparently you cannot bring liquid over 100 ml on flight.
Bummer.

so yeah.
back to my story.
i entered the perfume store
and the salesgirl said:

"Perfume, kak?"

and i was like:

"oh no... I'm looking for ikan terubok masin. pack it for me please and thank you!"

pfffffft
of course lah i'm looking for perfume. your store sells perfume kan?

ABUDEN?!

p/s: i didnt really reply her that way. too rude. i just gave her a smile.

KIDS DO THE CUTEST THINGS

i went to my grandma's later after Asar prayers.

as we stepped out of the car, we heard people reciting the Tahlil.

"Laa Ilaha Illa Allah.."

repeatedly.

we thought there was a funeral in the neighbourhood.

it was actually a group of kids - pretend playing.

they were sitting at the porch, 

in a circle,

reciting the Tahlil,

as if there was a funeral.

How cute is that?

DON'T YOU MISS ME?

"hello sister! don't you miss me?"

getting this kinda text really made me feel bad.
it's not that i dont miss people.
it's just that missing people is just too mainstream.
LOL

NO LAH.
i mean, what's there to miss?
there's always social networks.
i see most of my friends on twitter and facebook and you name the social networks they have nowadays.
you know what they've been up to just by scrolling down the timeline.
everything is there.

i always get that,

"lawa eh..." "sombong eh..."

the real deal is,
i do miss some of you people.
it's just that i dont really show it to you people.
sometimes i deny it,
but i know what i feel.

and plus,
im not much of a texter so you wont see me text first or anything.
i am more of a reply-er.
you text, i reply.
as simple as that.

selfish much?

i know.