KEEP YOUR BITCHES CLOSE

Bros before hoes,
Sisters before misters.

I won't lie but there are times that I sometimes ditch em rule
but most of the time,  I know friends should go first.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your partners are not important.
But let me ask you this one question.

Whom were there for you before you met your partners?

YES.
Your bros.
Your bitches.
Your sisters.
Your homies.
Or maybe some cases you dont have any of the above so you have your family
but that's a different story and I'm not heading there this time.

You see,
they were there when you needed them,
they will still be there even if you don't.

Imagine if you break up with your partner,
and you've thrown all of your homies away,
whom are you gonna turn to?
or maybe one day you're geting married,
and where are your bitches to share the joy and excitement?
OH, RIGHT. you've thrown them all away.

I dont know about you guys
but I'm very clingy.
I cling on my loved ones like a sleeping Koala, like a lazy sloth.
You may not agree with what I've said but I know there are times that you need your bros more than you need her/him, don't you dare lie.
well okay excpet for those who had their lives revolve around their partners.

Yes you love your boyfriends you love your girlfriends.
but hey,
keep your friends close because they matter too.

and of course this would change once you're married to each other
and again this would be a different story to tell.

So til next time!

I SHOULD LIVE IN A CAVE

I'm having a mental breakdown.

The accident I had last Friday Night really got me good.

Practically broke since I had to use my aunty's money first to pay for the damage.

My car AND the car that i crashed.

My car had the worst damage.

I am still emotionally unstable.

I'm making other people's life difficult.

Naven (the guy who's the car I crashed) had no car to commute but his car was done yesterday so at least that's okay now.

My aunty had to send me to UNIMAS every morning since Monday

and I have to find a ride home.

Mama had to worry about her work and now I'm adding her burden.

Mama's coming tomorrow not because of me but because she had to settle things for the house we'll be moving in to but at least she's gonna be here so that's good news.

I'm going on a short vacation with Parina and Syaza this weekend so I guess that's something I look forward to.

Other than that,

I'm considering living in a cave somewhere.

Far from people.

LOCK ME UP

Lock me up
In a dark empty room
So i could just sit there
Lurking
Weeping
Screaming
For days
Maybe weeks
Or months
An eternity even
Will get better eventually
And be normal again.
Don't even know what normal is anymore.

THEY'RE ALL WE HAVE

We age every second every day every year,

Nobody's getting any younger,

especially them.

Them who?

Whom made us happen.

Whom heard our first cry.

Whom drew the first dots on our canvas of life

Whom taught us what's right and what's wrong

Whom love us unconditionally

They'll take us to the doctor when we get sick

They'll kiss our booboo when we fell down

They'll cook when we say we're hungry

They'll tell us the sun will always shine after rain

They'll get us the umbrella if the storm continues

Now it's our turn

Are we ready?

Well, we should be.

They're all we have

They're not getting any younger.

I can't imagine my life without them

I don't even want to imagine.

May God give them good health, a long life and safe from any sorts of evil

May God have mercy upon them as they did care for us when we were little

Amin.

THOUGHTS OF A FOOL WHO WANNA RUN AWAY FROM ADULTHOOD

Sometimes I just dont feel like waking up from my sleep,
so i dont have to deal with shits adult do
No drama, No responsibilities, No nothing.
Just me, my bed and my empty mind.

Sometimes I wish I have amnesia,
so I can live a new life.
Forget my past, live the present and anticipate the future.
- or at least pretend that I have one.

Sometimes I wish aliens abduct me,
because being kidnapped by a human being is too scary,
like they might do things to me.
Aliens couldve just zap my brain and replace it with a different one
I dont know.

Sometimes I imagine myself getting involve in a car crash,
with a broken limb (either hand or leg - please not both),
and hospitalised for months,
just so I could at least have a legit reason to procrastinate.

Sometimes I even imagine myself in a plane crash,
stranded on a deserted island, where lived an unknown tribe.
I could live with them and start a new life,
No adulthood shits and all.

Sigh. Wishful thinking.

FIRE + WATER = LOVE (WHAT?!)

I'm not Dr Love nor have I been married, but here  I am wanting talk about it.

Shikin's getting married in 2 days.

will then be followed by Hannah then Nisa and Syaza.

ME? Don't ask me that yet.

I just came back from a holiday trip with my family

the extended one

in which most of them are couples - you know - my aunts and uncles.

If you look at them very closely, you'll see that they're nothing alike.

but that's it, right?

Opposite attracts they said.

How is that even possible? I don't even know.

Love is magic hahah (LOL).

They complain about each other's behaviour,

but still they just put up with it.

They still do it.

They understand each other so well.

I guess that's what you get when you've been together for so long.

And love kinda make it even stronger.

Marriage is so beautiful.

and PLUS, it's so halal. hahah! (Fatin, please)

It's like what they said,

if the other one's a FIRE,

you'll have to be the WATER.

but I know there are also cases that both are of the same element,

but they somehow manage to get it together.

I guess because - again- they understand each other.

So they know what to do.

So I'm guessing besides communication,

which I believe is soooo important in a relationship,

Understanding is also as important.

WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS?

Again, it's just a piece of my mind,

through what I've observed.

I'm not sure if what I said is right.

I'M NOT MARRIED YET.

but I really hope that one day when I am,

I could be like my parents and my uncles and aunts.

The patience and all.

You, you right there reading this, we'll be in this together okay?

(Fatin, PLEASE)

This is so random. I know. Whatever.

I'm not even making any sense.

It's the hormone.

I know it's them.

UNFAIR

You know how we girls

would have that awful feeling

sometimes about yourself

and most of the time you'll feel like

everything in the world is so annoying

but in actual fact you're the annoying one.

Like it would happen during that time of the month.

You know.

You get angry easily.

You get annoyed easily.

You'll snapped to almost everything

even the littlest thing.

I know that even if it's not THAT time of the month

some people are kinda afraid of me

like sometimes I would just snap

and I'm well aware that 

when there're things that are not pleasant to me

I mean if it's something that I don't like

it would be shown clearly on my face.

You'll see my face cringing

and I know I cant hide it.

I'm an open book.

I promise you that you'll know when I'm mad.

but you won't know when I'm sad (meheh)

I just feel like sometimes it's not fair

to blame it on the hormones

but then again

that's how our body works.

I'm thankful that God made us like how we are now.

I mean

imagine if guys have PMS

that would be very bad don't you think?

Like we girls are known to be soft and yet when PMS hit us

we'll EXPLODE!

I know you guys think that it's so unfair

that we always blame it on PMS

but life's unfair, right?

Again would like to apologise to people

who I kinda snapped at these few days

and all those moody emotional tweets.

I'm okay now.

You can interact with me like normal.

U-G-L-Y YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI

If you know me since before 2013,
you know that i used to have this huge mole on my upper lip
right in the center.
it's ugly and I know it.
Don't you there tell me I'm pretty.

And if you know me well,
you'll know that that was my biggest insecurity.
Like I HATED that mole.
Why?
because it affected my whole life!
I was scarred.
I mean
people made fun of me,
people would stare at me like I'm some kind of alien from outer space
they call me names.
I was practically bullied.
Mentally and emotionally.
I think.

Removing it for good was the best decision of my life.
I still remember the doctor asking me "Are you sure?" for I dont know how many times.
and I keep telling him, "YES! I'm 100% sure of this"
"It might not turn out as you wanted it to be" he said.
I said, "I put my trust in you Doc." almost singing. (you know, Linkin Park - In The End)

I'm glad that my family understands.
They paid for the surgery and it's not cheap for a very minor one.
Thank you, Ma.

It's normal that people like pretty things
and will quickly judge the ugly.
I'm no exception.
It's the law of nature.

I don't know where this post is going.
I just remembered how hurtful it was back then.
I'm not sure if i'm less ugly now
but I certainly know that my worst insecurity is now gone.

NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW

Yes people see me as that
Happy-go-lucky
Care-free
Laid-back
Kinda girl.

Truth is,
I worry a lot
I do care about everything
I always think too much of something
I take those little things very seriously at times

But i chose not to show it
Because it's a waste of people's time
Nobody wants to know that.

Hurting in the inside.
I dont mind that.
As long as it doesnt get in people's way.
We're good.

RAMADHAN IS FAMILY TIME

It's been only the first week of Ramadhan

and I'm all drowned in my works.

Been busy at work,

at home,

and not to mention my occupied weekend.

I"ve agreed to help Dr H and team for the final lap of their research

in which of course I will be paid.

So it's gonna be like a Raya Bonus for me. ihik ihik ihik.

Caught up with all their travelling claims,

meetings,

budget management.

and had to work on transcribing the interview which left me with no leisure weekend.

Had a combo of headache, flu and sore throat too that very weekend.

Yay me!

NOT.

And of course my endless literature review for my thesis.

I must get it done by Raya by hook or by crook.

I almost miss the deadline for eProgress Report submission

if it wasn't for Dijah who has reminded me. Phew!

Thanks Deej.

How am I busy at home too you asked?

I know right,

it's not that I'm married and have kids and have to prepare

sahur and sungkey for them.

I'm currently living with my grandparents

and yes I still need to help Yok to prepare and clean up after sahur and sungkey.

To me,

Ramadhan is good month

to be celebrated with family.

That feeling when you wake up early in the morning,

and then wake everyone up for sahur,

and then perform Subuh together.

then later in the evening,

you come home from work,

preparing food for sungkey,

sat at the dining table,

waiting for the Maghrib Adzan,

and then eat together,

and again perform Maghrib together,

and then you go to the surau for Isyak and then Terawih.

then maybe supper after Terawih.

Aint that beautiful?

It's bonding time.

Family quality time.

I

I would have that guilt

if I go out for sungkey

either with my friends or my cousins
but that doesnt really stop me though.

Hahah because I need my time to okay.

What I'm trying to say is,

family always comes first,

Todo Para La Familia.

Everything for the family.

Make this month of barakah 

a perfect time for family bonding.

Assalamualaikum. :)

SALAM RAMADHAN 1437

So yesterday I went into a store owned by a Chinese Aunty.

She greeted me with a cheerful, welcoming "hello"

and i replied with a "hi" and a smile.

"Raya is coming ho?"

"Ya laa.. tomorrow puasa already."

She looked so surprised and said:

"Puasa tomorrow???"

"Yep. Puasa then raya lah"

Still with a surprised face:

"You tidak takut?

"Takut apa?

"Takut puasa laaa.."

"Hahah.. tidak la takut. apa mau takut aunty. Puasa good bha aunty. Help your body rest, help cleansing. Detox maa.."

"But you cannot eat boh"

"sekejap only laa.. sunrise to sunset only. then can eat maa.. tidak mati la"

"aiyerr.. can tahan kah?"

"you eat many many lah in the morning. hahah"

There were not much to see so I left.

Having that conversation made me think:

Allah has the best plan for us. 

He has all the reasons to all the things He told us to do. 

AND IT'S ALWAYS THE BEST.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

Salam Ramadhan everyone! :)

IN DENIAL

Can everyone like
hakuna their tatas
and
STOP ADULTING??!

Everyone's been talking bout
FUTURE
you know
becoming adults.

Talking bout graduating masters
looking for a job
getting married
especially GETTING MARRIED

can we just like slow down
and enjoy life at the moment,
like live in the moment,
and forget about the future?

I know we cant
and we shouldnt.
I'm clearly in denial.

Sigh.

THE LADY ON BED 30

So here's the story.

Nek Ni has been hospitalised since Thursday due to some bacterial infection.

A couple of weeks prior, Nisa's been telling us about her patient:

A Schizophrenic Diabetic lady.

Nisa told us bout how she would stripped herself yelling:

"Misi!!! N**en ku sakit!!!"

cos she has water retention and her body swelled up hence the pain.

I thought that it could be very interesting to meet her in person.

Lucky me (?)

Nek Ni shared a room with that Makcik

She's been there for one month plus,

Her roommate came and go,

Sik tahan sebilit dengannya.

Let me tell you why.

She would stand beside you

Looking at you from top to toe

And would not say anything.

JUST. STAND. THERE.

She would sometimes scream

and make a scene.

At night, she would either be singing,

or she would stand very still by your bed

Looking at you.

There are also times that she would flashed her boobs

No kidding.

Nek Ni said there are times

that she would sit or lie down

as if she's feeding a baby.

Meruyan is the correct term for it.

It did freak some of us,

but we still treat her nicely.

You know.

Cos we're humans.

Humans be nice to each other.

Everyone knows that Nek Us Clan and food are inseparable

So we brought food everytime we came to visit Nek Ni.

I remember offering a red bean bun to that Makcik

and she ate it all up.

She was more than happy having us offering her food.

She kept saying how nice the food are

We cant give her too much food cos she's on a diabetic diet.

her Glucose level was 12.6 I remember that one time.

nevertheless she's very grateful.

Yesterday was her last day at the hospital.

She was supposed to be discharged the day before,

but they have trouble with their transport.

We gave them some money.

Usu bought a pair of slippers for her.

She went:

"Bait na kitak ngan kamek oh?"

and yes tears were shed.

Before she went off,

she thanked us for so many times.

I hope they get home safe and sound.

Did I mention they live in Asajaya?

in which is quite far cos you have to take the ferry to get there.

Would love to go and visit her

before or during raya,

just to see how well she's been doing

and probably bring some stuff to her

I know she would love it.

"Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see" - Mark Twain

HMMMMM I DONT KNOW...

it's that time when you feel worthless
you lost your motivation
feeling lost
not knowing where to go
questioning yourself
why are you doing what you're doing now?
do you know what the future holds?
what is your future anyway?
will there be rainbow day after day?
or storms all the way?
or maybe sunshine after every rain?

you want everything to be perfect
well at least that everything goes as plan
wait, aint that the same?
what i meant is you wanna succeed
you wanna be somebody
not just anybody

the pressure is real
thinking that everyone is counting on you
but here you are
feeling worthless
and what's worse is
you feel like quitting
unsure of what's next
but quitting was never an option
IT SHOULDNT BE AN OPTION.

you kept thinking
then overthink
then it hurts your head
tears streaming like Niagara Falls
and to Him you turn to
praying for the best
because He and only He has the answers to everything

i should stop now.
it could be my hormones
well i just dont know.

okay.