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i may look happy-go-lucky in the outside
but nobody really knows what's going on in the inside.
you have to be really awesome to decode my feelings
lets just keep that way okay?
until i found the one who can decode that.

i figured one of the reasons why i've never been in a relationship
is because i dont express my feelings well.
my brother knows that.
Alhamdulillah she's my brother and that he knows even i've never really show it to him,
i love him very much.
right adek? right?? right???

today,
i googled "how to not say i miss you without having to say i miss you"
because i guess im just too embarass with my own feelings.
so i came up with,

"you know, it's been a while. i think we should hang out some time when you're less busy.."

having to say that is already embarrassing enough for me.

oh my.

FATIN CHIN UP!

I used to be someone who is single and happy about it.
Now  I'm still single and all depressed not being in a relationship..
What has I turn into???

You know what's even more pathetic?
I even went to the drive thru to see whether im in luck to meet mr DT again
Even though I've had dinner at my aunty's

Nope.
No luck.
Now I feel stupid.
Feel so desperate.

Gave my mcnuggets to anis instead.

I need to overcome this conflict.
Stupid erikson.
Why do you have to come up with auch conflict?
If you learn human psychology, you know what im saying.

A little shoutout to my friend who has gotten herself a boyfriend.. you know who you are. I know I should be happy for you. Sorry for being all depressed. Deep down you know im happy for you.. ^^

TINA AND HARRY

tina meets harry.

tina likes harry but tina kept it only to herself.

because that's how tina is.

little did they know, harry likes tina too.

harry told tina first, but tina was embarassed.

not long after, tina told harry the same thing.

but tina wasnt really sure and so does harry.

so they decided to be buddies.

tina believes that a guy and a girl can hangout together, without having feelings for each other.

tina realised that she was wrong.

tina started to have feelings for harry again,

and this time for sure.

tina does not express her feelings well verbally, so tina expressed it through her actions.

tina cheers harry up when harry feels down.

tina says yes when harry asked her out and would do anything just to make it only the two of em.

tina entertains harry when he's bored.

tina comforts harry when he's in trouble.

harry said he's glad to have tina.

harry's glad to have tina who always comfort him.

harry said he sayang tina.

on the side note, harry shares everything to tina.

including the secrets that harry had never told anybody before.

tina knows a lot about harry.

however, harry doesn't know a lot about tina.

tina was flattered.

tina was over the moon.

tina likes harry more and more.

however, tina was confused.

harry's words and actions are in-congruent.

once, tina told harry that she will be there by his side no matter what,

as words of comfort that is.

harry was grateful but he's afraid that if he take the relationship to a different level,

it might jeopardise the friendship.

harry misunderstood the statement.

that's not what tina meant.

tina was just grateful to have harry,

that tina was the one who harry came for when he has problems.

harry always told tina about the gilrs he met.

at the workplace,

at a restaurant,

and even online.

tina listens to harry's story.

even though it hurts, tina would just support harry.

"go for it!", tina said.

tina was a little bit mad.

tina was mad at harry for not realising her feelings towards him.

tina was mad at herself the most for not being able to tell harry.

tina chose to stay quiet even though it hurts.

tina's heart is aching.

still, tina chose to wait.

tina kept telling herself that's its fine.

well at least that what tina wants to believe.

because that's tina.

tina hopes that one day harry would realise that tina is the one who's always there for him.

one day, harry will understand that.

but tina also have to understand that harry cannot read minds.

so sooner or later tina has to let harry know.

but tina chose not to.

not yet.

maybe harry's not the one.

tina has to find some other guy.

but it wont be easy.

and so tina keeps waiting...

MR DT

okay im writing this with a very huge smile on my face.
call me what you want but it really made my day..
considering it was my first..
because this thing rarely happen to me.
RARELY.

okay so here goes...

i went to the drive-thru to buy dinner..
while waiting for the car in front of me to pay for his meal,
i get ready with my money..
i didnt realise that the car had moved over,
so when i did, i was panicking and put aside my money and moved over..
there were 2 guys at the paying counter, one in black and the other in blue uniform.
the one in blue was watching me and giggled as i was panicking to move over
i was so embarass.
i think i made my panic face..

oh did i tell you the guy was cute?
yep!
typical malay look - my type of guy..
lets call him mr DT.

and sooo as i reach the counter,
mr DT was still smiling and im not sure why but the 2 of them switched places.
because at first the guy in black was in-charged with the cash register.
and so mr DT was the one who gave my change.
and as i moved over to the collecting station,
i could see from my rearview mirror that mr DT was still looking out of the window.
could he be looking at me?
ahaks!

guess what???
he was!!

the lady at the collecting station told me that mr DT asked for my wechat ID!
i was so embarass that i told her i dont have one in which i was lying..
and plus,
perempuan harus lah jual mahal nak?
we dont wanna look so cheap..
if he was really interested, he could have left me his phone number and we see from there.
right? right??

but the other part of me regretted that i didnt give it to him.
who knows it could be a start of something i never had?
for the record, i smiled all the way home.

thanks mr DT!
til we meet again okay?

^_^


p/s: i tell this story better in person, complemented with my excited face and my facial expression.. ahaks! you dont believe me? ask fahdina..

THAT UGH FEELING

according to my P calendar, i have 4 days left.
i guess that's explain my PMS.
been so depress lately.
being upset all the time.
everything seems to piss me off.
searching for distractions to keep my mind on track.

ugh!

SIGNALS

blinkers on cars are invented so that one driver could tell the other driver 

that he's switching lanes or making a turn.

why? 

because humans can't read minds.

there's no such thing as telepathic communication.

you dont expect people to know what you were thinking.

you dont expect people to know what you were about to do.

you have to TELL the other person.

in this case, TELLING the other drivers with BLINKERS.

because that's how you explicitly show your actions.

no mind-reading game whatsoever needed.

but then there's a different case of giving mix signals.

you turn on your left blinkers, but you turn right.

or vice versa.

what exactly are you trying to do??
what exactly are you trying to tell the other person?

i mean.... DRIVER?????

WHAT?????

that you were thinking of turning left but change your mind at the very last minute?

or are you actually plannign on turning left so you turn on the left blinkers, and you turn right instead as a backup plan?

or you actually wanted to make the right turn but accidentally turn on the left blinkers?

or you're so crazy that you turn the left blinkers on for fun 

and without thinking about the other driver, 

you just simply turn right even though you explicitly show that you were about to turn left...

please.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.