GAME OF LIFE

yes.

22 going on 23

not daddy's little princess anymore.

a grown woman

exploring life.

its a start of a new journey.

a new chapter.

no more spoon-feed learning.

it is now the chapter 

where

we constantly learn by experiencing.

exploring

what's there to explore?

life.

it's a crazy big world out there.

got your degree?

good.

now find a job.

got a job?

good.

now get married.

married?

good.

have kids.

and the list goes on and on and on.

these are the things that

people expect you to experience.

it's the game of life.

you have to win.

what if you lose?

well

either you weep and do nothing

or

turn it around.

however

to win a game

it was never easy.

it's an obstacle race.

a heptathlon.

the hunger games.

the maze runner.

you're no game master.

you're no God.

win or lose

it's your game.

play wisely.

NO INTERNET

Believe it or not,
i've spent the whole day without internet yesterday.
the wifi was down,
my mobile internet quota has limited,
my phone credit balance is RM0.04,
what was i to do?

i tried to send telepathic messages to all my contacts.
crazy?
yes. i've been told.

i spent my day watching tv
and sleeping
and oh!
i broke a record.
i never finshed reading a book in a day.
yesterday,
i did!
it felt real good.

the wifi is still down though.
im using my mobile data to write this post.

Kuching, see you tomorrow!

OCD SCREENING TEST (ONLINE)

so i decided to take an online test on "DO I HAVE OCD"
okay i took 5 tests just to be sure..
but i only got results for 4 tests
because apparently the second test i took didnt provide me with any result

so

DO I HAVE OCD?

I DONT!

sekian,

FOOD WITH LOVE

my mom was in kuching over the weekend
to visit my sick uncle + my uncle who has just undergone his eye surgery + my aunty who's recovering from her broken toe.
you know how my family and food are like right?
like you'll have breakfast and then brunch and then lunch then tea then dinner then supper.
the food are always on the table.
so they were posting photos on the family group whatsapp
and of course i was jealous.
i mean
food and my gramps are like the best!
Yok's famous seri muka, cucur udang, pizza, pasta, lempeng
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah it'll take me years to list it all down.

since mama was in kuching,
so i pesan her to tapau back some of the food back to bintulu.
teehee~~

guess what?
she came home with a whole box of food!
i shed tears of joy.. hahah!
there were pulut manis, apam tapai, tapai, and of course seri muka!
and the sweetest thing is,
my Maksu,
she went to a birthday party
and then there was this oreo cheese cake with almond base,
she knows how much i love these sweet things.
and she insisted that my mom take it home for me!
i love you usu!
note that it was only one slice of cake and sebiji karipap like how they always pack the food for functions..

9 more days to go!

KUCHING HERE I COME!

xoxo

NOT A NORMAL AVERAGE HUMAN BEING

i know my holiday has been so boring.
but today is like the most boring of all boring days..
why?
well it's a weekend.
it's my first weekend at home without mama.
like i wanna spend time with mama!
paham sikkkkk...

i know manjak.
so what?

thanks to my awesome friendss
i managed to have some human interaction
machine as a medium..

you know how weird i get when im with my friends
especially with benon.
i just had the weirdest conversation with her today.

i phoned her and then i actually cried
sebab terharu that she would still pick up my phone walaupun nya tengah makan
and then i was rambling and talk nonsense and laugh like real hard (yes i hiccuped and snorted)
sampe kredit abis.
and then she called me back because she wanted me to hear her play on her keyboard.
we went from phone call conversation to voice note.
i was rambling about how i dont get human interaction since morning
and our voice note convo went like this.

"kau kan ada pusak. main ngan pusak ko ada kambin gik. main lah kau ngan urg rumah sebelah. bkan ko ada pusak kah? ko cakap lah ngan pusak kau mun sik kau klaka lah ngan asuk rumah sebelah.."

"aku klaka ngan pusak. pusak ya ngeyong ngeyong ajak. kakya aku tek nak ngeyong ngeyong jwak gia?boring lah! cam i need human contact like i need human language. PAHAM SIK?"

"apa salah kau ngeyong ngeyong balit ngan nya? kau kan bukan manusia pahal nak pelu kan human language or huma interaction? ngiihihihihihi"

"apahal aku bukan manusia? apa sekda rupa manusia ka rupa aku tok? eeeeeeeeee"

"hekhekhekhek apahal kau rasa kau manusia? kau memang lah macam manusia tapi.. a little bit weird.. er kott.. than a normal average human being. neda orang biasa nangis nangga pensel gugok arumbulak alu nak nangis alu sedih riok rembeh"

"whaaaaaaaaaat?? like you define normal average human being. like how are they supposed to act? sik macam aku kah? aku manusia jwak cam kau. mun aku bukan manusia kau pun mukan manusia okayyy"

"sebab ya lah ta 2 kawaaannn.. naaaa.. mun sik sik lah ko dapta kawan ngan aku nak. mun sik sik lah aku boleh berbual ada interaction ngan kau.. sebab ta 2 samaaaaa.. samaaaaaa.. pelikkkk.. mihmihmihmihmih"

"mena jwak non oh kira ta 2 duak dalm berjuta lah non oh? nak? nak? nak? naknaknaknaknak???"

and then benon tertido.

so saya bukan manusia.
okay.

WRITTEN BY FATIN'S HORMONE

you know how sometimes women get all emotional when they're on their period?
well maybe not all but some probably which includes me.
its no joke, really.
i wont blame you guys whne you say women are complicated.
we just are okay.
deal with it.
like you guys are so straightforward.
pfffttt..

it could be PMS
or MS in which im not really sure is a medical term..
well what im trying to say is before the menses or during the menses.
in some cases,
all the time
like nisa's epp lecturer.

i dont know how exactly the hormones work
because i never like biology in school.
speaking of biology,
i actually cried studying for biology back in school and matriculations.
like i know it's the study of living things
and we're living things
hence we should know what's goin on in our body and all the living things in the universe.
but it's just so complicated you know..
like URGHHH!

okay fatin...
calm down....

so yeah...
hormones.
it's like you're warming up before you do your school play.
happy face!
sad face!
surprise face!
now angry...
laughing face!
i miss doing plays.
gossshh...
the old times..
being on stage,
coaching the juniors for their play..
and then they called you when they got the results,
which they got second place and best actor.
and you were rubbing lotions on your grandma's feet when you got the news.
then you just cried out of happiness,
then your grandma was like:

"nakpahal kau tang ada ada nangis? aiehh.."

and then they thanked you like non-stop...
okay im drifting again...
maybe i should write this in a different post.

where was i?
hormones.
right.

like it's like any other day,
it's not really a big deal,
then somehow those little things
make you snap
or in my case,
teary.

like today,
since 8 am.
all i did was cry.
i went to youtube and watch this leukemic kid on ellen
like he's a big fan of the utah jazz (its basketball) and how they let him play with them.
he was bouncing the ball,
and the other players just pretended to block him
like in a real game
and then they actually helped him dunk .
like that is so sweet of em.
like awwwwwww...
and then there's ellen,
who prsented a 10k gift for the treatment and everything.
how can you not cry??????

and ayah just told me that mama is probably going to kuching tomorrow
to visit my sick uncle.
and i dont wanna be left alone at home on weekends!
and im crying again.
great.

it's not noon yet
and my tear gland is half empty.

yours truly,
hormones.

LET IT GO

i let go things easily

because i find that the "kecik hati" feeling

is a waste of a time.

because i believe that 

every actions have their own reasons.

i would lay down all the possible reasons of why they behave in such a way

because like

in this whole universe

everyone's different

twins may look identical physically,

but what's inside that differentiates them.

tipu lah if i never feel kecik hati towards people.

but then again,

i thought to myself.

is it worth it?

like what's in it for me?

then i forgive them.

and do forgive me if i ever feel that way

sometimes,

when i feel kecik hati

like very kecik hati,

i will tell.

i might tell you directly,

or maybe i would just give you the cold shoulder.

i hate doing the confrontation

like

who likes em right?

so far,

nobody has ever being confronted.

thank god for that.

always see the silver linings..

this is probably why

i still hangout with people i dont like,

people who my friends think that are jerks,

because those people,

are still people.

and as long as i still can tolerate with them,

then

why not.

call me hypocrite

but then again.

who aren't in the world these days?

unless

you really did me wrong

like the fact that i know you went behind my back

and stab me at least once

you're gone.

GONE.

if i ever did any of these to you people,

tell me straight to my face.

"FATIN, YOU'RE A B.."

this is a random inner thought post.

that's why it doesnt seem to make sense.

PET PEEVES

i figured that i get annoyed to a lot of stuff

sik tauk pun iolls tok cerewet duhal orang nyaa..

hewhewhew..

some of em may not make sense

but hey

if its annoying then its annoying.

fork and spoon (and knife) that are not of the same pattern.

i might wanna exchange them with you, if my spoon matches your fork or whatsoever.

people walking or working or driving in a veeeeeryyyy sloooooowwwww paaaace.

like

move people! move!

those who eats with becak sound.

please chew your food properly.

some people are trying to enjoy their food.

things that does not look like how it supposed to be.

like straight things that are not straight,

you know,

stuff like that..

things that doesnt go where it belongs..

sound volume that's not in a multiple of 5.

i dont know why..

sockets that are not switched off when it's not in use.

it's kinda dangerous you know..

bad smell..

which includes body odour, bad breath, asap rokok, dan lain lain.

you'll know it when you see my face cringing and i put my wrist to my nose

trying to absorb the smell of my body mist.

i think there're more

but these are so far what i could think of.

p/s: i always think that i annoy people so much. do i care? do i not care? meh.

PATIN THE ROTTING POMME (DE TERRE)

Wanna hear a sad story?

Okay here goes..

Once upon a time
There lived a girl named fatin.
She's on her break in which she just sits at home doing nothing.
Well she did all the houseworks last week and all there're left are daily routines:

Laundry,
Dishes,
Cat duty which includes feeding and poop scooping,
And vacuuming.

Other than that,
She just sits and rot
Like a potato doing stuff like:

Eating,
Downloading things from the internet,
Watching reruns of how i met your  mother, the big bang theory and malcolm in the middle,
Youtubing,
Eating,
Daydreaming,
Playing dumb ways to die, fly dragon, kim kardashian hollywood,
Eating,
Tumblring, blogging, 9gagging, tweeting, facebooking,
And eating.

The end.

SOMETIMES

You know

Sometimes
I hate myself
for not being nosy
Because
I always thought
That if they wanna tell me
They would tell me.
There's no need to force.

I hate myself
For not being brave enough
To text people first
Because
I always thought that i might be
Disturbing them
Like maybe
They're in the middle of something
And me texting them
Might be a distraction.
That's why i never do that
Unless memang penting.

I hate myself for a lot of things
But these are the things that i could think of right now.
So yeah.
Im hitting publish.

Hmmmmm..
I think this is my estrogen talkimg.
Whatevs