WRITTEN BY FATIN'S HORMONE

you know how sometimes women get all emotional when they're on their period?
well maybe not all but some probably which includes me.
its no joke, really.
i wont blame you guys whne you say women are complicated.
we just are okay.
deal with it.
like you guys are so straightforward.
pfffttt..

it could be PMS
or MS in which im not really sure is a medical term..
well what im trying to say is before the menses or during the menses.
in some cases,
all the time
like nisa's epp lecturer.

i dont know how exactly the hormones work
because i never like biology in school.
speaking of biology,
i actually cried studying for biology back in school and matriculations.
like i know it's the study of living things
and we're living things
hence we should know what's goin on in our body and all the living things in the universe.
but it's just so complicated you know..
like URGHHH!

okay fatin...
calm down....

so yeah...
hormones.
it's like you're warming up before you do your school play.
happy face!
sad face!
surprise face!
now angry...
laughing face!
i miss doing plays.
gossshh...
the old times..
being on stage,
coaching the juniors for their play..
and then they called you when they got the results,
which they got second place and best actor.
and you were rubbing lotions on your grandma's feet when you got the news.
then you just cried out of happiness,
then your grandma was like:

"nakpahal kau tang ada ada nangis? aiehh.."

and then they thanked you like non-stop...
okay im drifting again...
maybe i should write this in a different post.

where was i?
hormones.
right.

like it's like any other day,
it's not really a big deal,
then somehow those little things
make you snap
or in my case,
teary.

like today,
since 8 am.
all i did was cry.
i went to youtube and watch this leukemic kid on ellen
like he's a big fan of the utah jazz (its basketball) and how they let him play with them.
he was bouncing the ball,
and the other players just pretended to block him
like in a real game
and then they actually helped him dunk .
like that is so sweet of em.
like awwwwwww...
and then there's ellen,
who prsented a 10k gift for the treatment and everything.
how can you not cry??????

and ayah just told me that mama is probably going to kuching tomorrow
to visit my sick uncle.
and i dont wanna be left alone at home on weekends!
and im crying again.
great.

it's not noon yet
and my tear gland is half empty.

yours truly,
hormones.

LET IT GO

i let go things easily

because i find that the "kecik hati" feeling

is a waste of a time.

because i believe that 

every actions have their own reasons.

i would lay down all the possible reasons of why they behave in such a way

because like

in this whole universe

everyone's different

twins may look identical physically,

but what's inside that differentiates them.

tipu lah if i never feel kecik hati towards people.

but then again,

i thought to myself.

is it worth it?

like what's in it for me?

then i forgive them.

and do forgive me if i ever feel that way

sometimes,

when i feel kecik hati

like very kecik hati,

i will tell.

i might tell you directly,

or maybe i would just give you the cold shoulder.

i hate doing the confrontation

like

who likes em right?

so far,

nobody has ever being confronted.

thank god for that.

always see the silver linings..

this is probably why

i still hangout with people i dont like,

people who my friends think that are jerks,

because those people,

are still people.

and as long as i still can tolerate with them,

then

why not.

call me hypocrite

but then again.

who aren't in the world these days?

unless

you really did me wrong

like the fact that i know you went behind my back

and stab me at least once

you're gone.

GONE.

if i ever did any of these to you people,

tell me straight to my face.

"FATIN, YOU'RE A B.."

this is a random inner thought post.

that's why it doesnt seem to make sense.

PET PEEVES

i figured that i get annoyed to a lot of stuff

sik tauk pun iolls tok cerewet duhal orang nyaa..

hewhewhew..

some of em may not make sense

but hey

if its annoying then its annoying.

fork and spoon (and knife) that are not of the same pattern.

i might wanna exchange them with you, if my spoon matches your fork or whatsoever.

people walking or working or driving in a veeeeeryyyy sloooooowwwww paaaace.

like

move people! move!

those who eats with becak sound.

please chew your food properly.

some people are trying to enjoy their food.

things that does not look like how it supposed to be.

like straight things that are not straight,

you know,

stuff like that..

things that doesnt go where it belongs..

sound volume that's not in a multiple of 5.

i dont know why..

sockets that are not switched off when it's not in use.

it's kinda dangerous you know..

bad smell..

which includes body odour, bad breath, asap rokok, dan lain lain.

you'll know it when you see my face cringing and i put my wrist to my nose

trying to absorb the smell of my body mist.

i think there're more

but these are so far what i could think of.

p/s: i always think that i annoy people so much. do i care? do i not care? meh.

PATIN THE ROTTING POMME (DE TERRE)

Wanna hear a sad story?

Okay here goes..

Once upon a time
There lived a girl named fatin.
She's on her break in which she just sits at home doing nothing.
Well she did all the houseworks last week and all there're left are daily routines:

Laundry,
Dishes,
Cat duty which includes feeding and poop scooping,
And vacuuming.

Other than that,
She just sits and rot
Like a potato doing stuff like:

Eating,
Downloading things from the internet,
Watching reruns of how i met your  mother, the big bang theory and malcolm in the middle,
Youtubing,
Eating,
Daydreaming,
Playing dumb ways to die, fly dragon, kim kardashian hollywood,
Eating,
Tumblring, blogging, 9gagging, tweeting, facebooking,
And eating.

The end.

SOMETIMES

You know

Sometimes
I hate myself
for not being nosy
Because
I always thought
That if they wanna tell me
They would tell me.
There's no need to force.

I hate myself
For not being brave enough
To text people first
Because
I always thought that i might be
Disturbing them
Like maybe
They're in the middle of something
And me texting them
Might be a distraction.
That's why i never do that
Unless memang penting.

I hate myself for a lot of things
But these are the things that i could think of right now.
So yeah.
Im hitting publish.

Hmmmmm..
I think this is my estrogen talkimg.
Whatevs

FATIN DICKINSON

different from you

by natasha hushairi & fatin farzana hamid

i am unique, different from you

im not perfect, and i dont think you're too

i do as i may, whatever you say

cut me some slack, im not gonna crack.

i am unique different from you

i am fragile that is true

i desire protection from people i care

a person like me is very rare

i am unique different from you

at first they say, "hey i dont like you!"

get to know me first before you judge

because im cool like a big chocolate fudge

i am unique different from you

i crack jokes out of the blue

i laugh out loud when i want to

i cry it out when i have to

i scream out loud when the ghosts go boo!

to be a psychologist is my aim

that is what i wanna do

natasha hushairi is my name

and i am unique and different from you

p/s: natasha had to write a poem about herself for her assignment and she asked for my help. so this is what we came up with. not bad huh? 

GRADUATION GOGGLES

= The relief and nostalgic feeling one has about a time in their life when it is about to end, even if the time was completely miserable.

i just told dolah to cherish every single moment with his classmates
while he still can
because im having a hard time moving on...

from my college life.

you know when people say your life would be totally different

as soon as you've finished your study,

that you'll miss everything about it,

in which you denied it before you even be in that situation?

they weren't lying.

im serious.

im even considering to further my masters in coursework

instead of research

because i actually miss going to class..

i miss the environment..

i miss that moment where i wasnt really listening to the lecturer

because i was too busy tweeting,
or playing dumb ways to die,
in which i had influenced most of my classmates

and in the end i got nothing... from the lesson i mean..

i miss that moment where i actually sleep during the whole 2-hour statistics class

because the lecturer was too slow.

i miss that moment where i was late for Dr. Teh's class

and sneaked in the back door

because i dont wanna hear him babbling about time management.

oh and that final 1 hour of his class which i usually sneaked out

and hang out on my own

eating doughnuts from the nearest kiosk

because i couldnt stand being in the class anymore.

that thrilling moment of getting my assignments done

the night before the deadline

because im an avid procrastinator.

note that i started doing my thesis proposal one week before the presentation

and not to forget the actual research..

that feeling when i dont wanna go to class

and because we have an 80% attendance policy

i actually calculated the days of absence im allowed to have
to at least get that 80% attendance.

that annoyance when my group members
did a crappy work on the group assignment
in which i always ended up doing the whole thing on my own.
because im a perfectionist when it comes to those kinda work.

the conversation i had with Dr Tan
which he would always end up saying,

"Alaa.. you belanja me laa.. you kan banyak duit. orang kaya.. we go karaoke ka. watch movie ka.. can?"

that moment when i was caught
not attending Dr Kamal's class
because i was stranded at the faculty due to the heavy rain.
and i had an assignment to be submitted to him that very evening.
and we were like,

"haa Dayang, awak ponteng kelas saya eh?"

"bukan ponteng, sir. it was raining heavily. saya stuck kat faculty.."

"banyak la alasan awak. ponteng tetap ponteng.."

"betul sir.. hujan lebat kan pagi tadi.. sir nak chocolate?"

"tak nak.. saya tak ambil rasuah dari students.."

"eh.. sir ni bukan rasuah.. ni ikhlas dari student kepada lecturer.. haaa..."

"hahah.. macam2 la awak ni.."

and he would always tease me in class
when he brought the ponteng topic up..

aaaaaaaaaaah...
im really missing everything.
as much as everything annoyed me before.

A BOX, A LADDER, A HORSE & A STORM

so lela dropped this on me just now.
its not really a game though.
more of a personality test.
just thought i would share it.

so here goes.

size: small,

colour: brown

opacity: opaque

position: corner

number of steps: 16 and descending

my horse is free and is always on my right

it is faaaaaaaar faaaaaaaaar away and ilang datang

 so according to lela,

this is the analysis...

yep..

sometimes i lie to people

so that they wont be too worried..

because burdening people with my problems

is the last thing i wanna do.

unless i really really need support.

yes i have many friends..

and i love em all!

dont really like being lonely..

and yes i always think negatively,

the worst of the worst..

because when i think too positively of something,

it always ended up badly..

so when i think things negatively,

and then it turned out to be the opposite,

i wont be as disappointed..

well..

i am in a LDR

teehee..

and yes.

do what you want,

as long as you know your limits

because it's your life

and i dont wanna be in your way

refer to statement about box.

so there you have it.

TREASURE

bonjour tout le monde!

one week has passed,

and i still havent moved on from my internship.

everyday i would be like,

oh! its 8.30 circle time!

oh! 9 gym time!

oh! 9.30 breakfast!

oh! 10 they are all in class!

oh! 12 lunch time!

pathetic?

yes.

told ya im never great at saying goodbye.

to people, to things to everything!

that explains why i still keep things from ages ago.

i had a hard time deleting all the stupid whatsapp photos from my phone the other day

now that everything has been deleted, 

a part of me is kinda sad.

move on fatin move on!

speaking of which,

i did a lil bit of spring cleaning yesterday,

because my room is kinda a mess after they built the new closet.

so i found some stuff from back when i was still in high school

which is like 5 years ago.

OMG!

im old!

movin on....

just thought i would share some of em to you guys..

my first ever mp3. 

alkisah,

"ma, if i get straight a's for pmr i want an mp3 player.."

this was and in thing back then.

i remember parina had one in pink and farabi in black..

hahah..

the sad part is,

it was in the pocket of my baju kurung in which i sent it to the laundry.

yessssssss...

dah rosak..

T___T

after pmr,

we had this program

in which we were the pioneers.

MARA Gifted and Talented Youth Program..

so we were asked to write a diary on it.

reading back what i wrote.

so high school!

hahah

so like when we go out and wakil maktab,

we would definitely meet new friends and all.

and we would like exchange gifts and letters and such.

this is a letter from atiqah.

i met her masa iron baju d mrsm kuala klawang

we were waiting for our turn so we talked.

she's so nice and lemah lembut.

we met again in 2008 at muadzam shah.

a paper bag which we bought together back in 2008.

we = parina+eja+nini+wanny+embok+fatin.

so back in 2008,

i was the treasurer of badan wakil pelajar

in which i took care of the money as well as the inventory in the bilik gerakan.

so everytime during meeting,

i dont know why tapi this lorry memang pake main masa meeting.

i kinda feel like it has that sentimental value

so i brought it back home.

hahah!

remember this pieace of paper?

where you write raya greetings on it and give it to your friends?

i think this the last one i received before people stop sending this.

it was from farabi.

we sat together in class.

he had this whole tin of cream crackers

which is kept between our table

and we would share it during prep hours.

i kept my papers in my desk

so whenever he wanted to use it,

he would just take it without my consent.

we liked to wrap our table with present papers and would like decorate it with stuff.

this is from nazrin

he's very artistic i tell you..

he made this for me..

yepp..

still keep it.

this is the one that i did.

creative lah gilakkkk...

pfffttt...

hahah!

this is a cute one.

during english class

we were asked to make an ad for Taman Negara.

like konon visit malaysia year.

so we made something like

do you remember the visit singapore ad?

the one which went like

oh unik nya unik nya unik nya, singapura.

so our version was like

oh! so unique so unique so unique, Taman Negara

i was the tourist and each of us had like our own verses to sing.

there were parina, wanny, eja and syidah if im not mistaken.

the guest book for our graduation day.

spot my name?

nerd alert!

we walked all the way from pasir pandak to maktab

we started walking after isyak and arrived around 2 in the morning.

bronze.. not bad huh?

okay this is the last one.

not pooh but the mask.

our senior dinner theme was masquerade

so everyone gets one mask.

let me go back to school!

ADIEU

Just reading and chillin in the garden
When i realise i have 4 more days left
With the CADS kids.
Ive bonded well with my colleagues.
And saying goodbye is always the hardest
Been tearing up when naim mentioned that i wont be around in less than a week to the kids.
When kak rini asked when will i be departing then she sang a sad indonesian song.
When the interns from uk had their farewell last friday.
Time flies so fast.

Well
as hard as it gets,
We have to move on.

Life has to go on.