IT'S BEEN A WHILE

I am a man that needs to be told things directly.
I mean I'm bad at reading between the lines.
Like if you mean A you have to say A.
You can't say "the letter you use to spell APPLE".
You'll make me think so much that I'll end up misinterpreting things.
I might think you spell APPLE with an E or perhaps you spell it HAPPLE with a silent H.

I've been told to upgrade my perauk to one of those with engines and never to use the paddle ever again by my friends.
For the record, never felt offended.

Well I never thought that I have to read things between the lines now.
Ugh WHY.
WHY CAN'T LIFE BE EASY
WHY MUST WE COMPLICATE THINGS

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p/s: it has been a while. I have an ex-boyfriend now. but whatever. You don't wanna hear about it. Basi already

KEEP YOUR BITCHES CLOSE

Bros before hoes,
Sisters before misters.

I won't lie but there are times that I sometimes ditch em rule
but most of the time,  I know friends should go first.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your partners are not important.
But let me ask you this one question.

Whom were there for you before you met your partners?

YES.
Your bros.
Your bitches.
Your sisters.
Your homies.
Or maybe some cases you dont have any of the above so you have your family
but that's a different story and I'm not heading there this time.

You see,
they were there when you needed them,
they will still be there even if you don't.

Imagine if you break up with your partner,
and you've thrown all of your homies away,
whom are you gonna turn to?
or maybe one day you're geting married,
and where are your bitches to share the joy and excitement?
OH, RIGHT. you've thrown them all away.

I dont know about you guys
but I'm very clingy.
I cling on my loved ones like a sleeping Koala, like a lazy sloth.
You may not agree with what I've said but I know there are times that you need your bros more than you need her/him, don't you dare lie.
well okay excpet for those who had their lives revolve around their partners.

Yes you love your boyfriends you love your girlfriends.
but hey,
keep your friends close because they matter too.

and of course this would change once you're married to each other
and again this would be a different story to tell.

So til next time!

I SHOULD LIVE IN A CAVE

I'm having a mental breakdown.

The accident I had last Friday Night really got me good.

Practically broke since I had to use my aunty's money first to pay for the damage.

My car AND the car that i crashed.

My car had the worst damage.

I am still emotionally unstable.

I'm making other people's life difficult.

Naven (the guy who's the car I crashed) had no car to commute but his car was done yesterday so at least that's okay now.

My aunty had to send me to UNIMAS every morning since Monday

and I have to find a ride home.

Mama had to worry about her work and now I'm adding her burden.

Mama's coming tomorrow not because of me but because she had to settle things for the house we'll be moving in to but at least she's gonna be here so that's good news.

I'm going on a short vacation with Parina and Syaza this weekend so I guess that's something I look forward to.

Other than that,

I'm considering living in a cave somewhere.

Far from people.

LOCK ME UP

Lock me up
In a dark empty room
So i could just sit there
Lurking
Weeping
Screaming
For days
Maybe weeks
Or months
An eternity even
Will get better eventually
And be normal again.
Don't even know what normal is anymore.

THEY'RE ALL WE HAVE

We age every second every day every year,

Nobody's getting any younger,

especially them.

Them who?

Whom made us happen.

Whom heard our first cry.

Whom drew the first dots on our canvas of life

Whom taught us what's right and what's wrong

Whom love us unconditionally

They'll take us to the doctor when we get sick

They'll kiss our booboo when we fell down

They'll cook when we say we're hungry

They'll tell us the sun will always shine after rain

They'll get us the umbrella if the storm continues

Now it's our turn

Are we ready?

Well, we should be.

They're all we have

They're not getting any younger.

I can't imagine my life without them

I don't even want to imagine.

May God give them good health, a long life and safe from any sorts of evil

May God have mercy upon them as they did care for us when we were little

Amin.

THOUGHTS OF A FOOL WHO WANNA RUN AWAY FROM ADULTHOOD

Sometimes I just dont feel like waking up from my sleep,
so i dont have to deal with shits adult do
No drama, No responsibilities, No nothing.
Just me, my bed and my empty mind.

Sometimes I wish I have amnesia,
so I can live a new life.
Forget my past, live the present and anticipate the future.
- or at least pretend that I have one.

Sometimes I wish aliens abduct me,
because being kidnapped by a human being is too scary,
like they might do things to me.
Aliens couldve just zap my brain and replace it with a different one
I dont know.

Sometimes I imagine myself getting involve in a car crash,
with a broken limb (either hand or leg - please not both),
and hospitalised for months,
just so I could at least have a legit reason to procrastinate.

Sometimes I even imagine myself in a plane crash,
stranded on a deserted island, where lived an unknown tribe.
I could live with them and start a new life,
No adulthood shits and all.

Sigh. Wishful thinking.

FIRE + WATER = LOVE (WHAT?!)

I'm not Dr Love nor have I been married, but here  I am wanting talk about it.

Shikin's getting married in 2 days.

will then be followed by Hannah then Nisa and Syaza.

ME? Don't ask me that yet.

I just came back from a holiday trip with my family

the extended one

in which most of them are couples - you know - my aunts and uncles.

If you look at them very closely, you'll see that they're nothing alike.

but that's it, right?

Opposite attracts they said.

How is that even possible? I don't even know.

Love is magic hahah (LOL).

They complain about each other's behaviour,

but still they just put up with it.

They still do it.

They understand each other so well.

I guess that's what you get when you've been together for so long.

And love kinda make it even stronger.

Marriage is so beautiful.

and PLUS, it's so halal. hahah! (Fatin, please)

It's like what they said,

if the other one's a FIRE,

you'll have to be the WATER.

but I know there are also cases that both are of the same element,

but they somehow manage to get it together.

I guess because - again- they understand each other.

So they know what to do.

So I'm guessing besides communication,

which I believe is soooo important in a relationship,

Understanding is also as important.

WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS?

Again, it's just a piece of my mind,

through what I've observed.

I'm not sure if what I said is right.

I'M NOT MARRIED YET.

but I really hope that one day when I am,

I could be like my parents and my uncles and aunts.

The patience and all.

You, you right there reading this, we'll be in this together okay?

(Fatin, PLEASE)

This is so random. I know. Whatever.

I'm not even making any sense.

It's the hormone.

I know it's them.

UNFAIR

You know how we girls

would have that awful feeling

sometimes about yourself

and most of the time you'll feel like

everything in the world is so annoying

but in actual fact you're the annoying one.

Like it would happen during that time of the month.

You know.

You get angry easily.

You get annoyed easily.

You'll snapped to almost everything

even the littlest thing.

I know that even if it's not THAT time of the month

some people are kinda afraid of me

like sometimes I would just snap

and I'm well aware that 

when there're things that are not pleasant to me

I mean if it's something that I don't like

it would be shown clearly on my face.

You'll see my face cringing

and I know I cant hide it.

I'm an open book.

I promise you that you'll know when I'm mad.

but you won't know when I'm sad (meheh)

I just feel like sometimes it's not fair

to blame it on the hormones

but then again

that's how our body works.

I'm thankful that God made us like how we are now.

I mean

imagine if guys have PMS

that would be very bad don't you think?

Like we girls are known to be soft and yet when PMS hit us

we'll EXPLODE!

I know you guys think that it's so unfair

that we always blame it on PMS

but life's unfair, right?

Again would like to apologise to people

who I kinda snapped at these few days

and all those moody emotional tweets.

I'm okay now.

You can interact with me like normal.

U-G-L-Y YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI

If you know me since before 2013,
you know that i used to have this huge mole on my upper lip
right in the center.
it's ugly and I know it.
Don't you there tell me I'm pretty.

And if you know me well,
you'll know that that was my biggest insecurity.
Like I HATED that mole.
Why?
because it affected my whole life!
I was scarred.
I mean
people made fun of me,
people would stare at me like I'm some kind of alien from outer space
they call me names.
I was practically bullied.
Mentally and emotionally.
I think.

Removing it for good was the best decision of my life.
I still remember the doctor asking me "Are you sure?" for I dont know how many times.
and I keep telling him, "YES! I'm 100% sure of this"
"It might not turn out as you wanted it to be" he said.
I said, "I put my trust in you Doc." almost singing. (you know, Linkin Park - In The End)

I'm glad that my family understands.
They paid for the surgery and it's not cheap for a very minor one.
Thank you, Ma.

It's normal that people like pretty things
and will quickly judge the ugly.
I'm no exception.
It's the law of nature.

I don't know where this post is going.
I just remembered how hurtful it was back then.
I'm not sure if i'm less ugly now
but I certainly know that my worst insecurity is now gone.

NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW

Yes people see me as that
Happy-go-lucky
Care-free
Laid-back
Kinda girl.

Truth is,
I worry a lot
I do care about everything
I always think too much of something
I take those little things very seriously at times

But i chose not to show it
Because it's a waste of people's time
Nobody wants to know that.

Hurting in the inside.
I dont mind that.
As long as it doesnt get in people's way.
We're good.