LOCK ME UP

Lock me up
In a dark empty room
So i could just sit there
Lurking
Weeping
Screaming
For days
Maybe weeks
Or months
An eternity even
Will get better eventually
And be normal again.
Don't even know what normal is anymore.

THEY'RE ALL WE HAVE

We age every second every day every year,

Nobody's getting any younger,

especially them.

Them who?

Whom made us happen.

Whom heard our first cry.

Whom drew the first dots on our canvas of life

Whom taught us what's right and what's wrong

Whom love us unconditionally

They'll take us to the doctor when we get sick

They'll kiss our booboo when we fell down

They'll cook when we say we're hungry

They'll tell us the sun will always shine after rain

They'll get us the umbrella if the storm continues

Now it's our turn

Are we ready?

Well, we should be.

They're all we have

They're not getting any younger.

I can't imagine my life without them

I don't even want to imagine.

May God give them good health, a long life and safe from any sorts of evil

May God have mercy upon them as they did care for us when we were little

Amin.

THOUGHTS OF A FOOL WHO WANNA RUN AWAY FROM ADULTHOOD

Sometimes I just dont feel like waking up from my sleep,
so i dont have to deal with shits adult do
No drama, No responsibilities, No nothing.
Just me, my bed and my empty mind.

Sometimes I wish I have amnesia,
so I can live a new life.
Forget my past, live the present and anticipate the future.
- or at least pretend that I have one.

Sometimes I wish aliens abduct me,
because being kidnapped by a human being is too scary,
like they might do things to me.
Aliens couldve just zap my brain and replace it with a different one
I dont know.

Sometimes I imagine myself getting involve in a car crash,
with a broken limb (either hand or leg - please not both),
and hospitalised for months,
just so I could at least have a legit reason to procrastinate.

Sometimes I even imagine myself in a plane crash,
stranded on a deserted island, where lived an unknown tribe.
I could live with them and start a new life,
No adulthood shits and all.

Sigh. Wishful thinking.

FIRE + WATER = LOVE (WHAT?!)

I'm not Dr Love nor have I been married, but here  I am wanting talk about it.

Shikin's getting married in 2 days.

will then be followed by Hannah then Nisa and Syaza.

ME? Don't ask me that yet.

I just came back from a holiday trip with my family

the extended one

in which most of them are couples - you know - my aunts and uncles.

If you look at them very closely, you'll see that they're nothing alike.

but that's it, right?

Opposite attracts they said.

How is that even possible? I don't even know.

Love is magic hahah (LOL).

They complain about each other's behaviour,

but still they just put up with it.

They still do it.

They understand each other so well.

I guess that's what you get when you've been together for so long.

And love kinda make it even stronger.

Marriage is so beautiful.

and PLUS, it's so halal. hahah! (Fatin, please)

It's like what they said,

if the other one's a FIRE,

you'll have to be the WATER.

but I know there are also cases that both are of the same element,

but they somehow manage to get it together.

I guess because - again- they understand each other.

So they know what to do.

So I'm guessing besides communication,

which I believe is soooo important in a relationship,

Understanding is also as important.

WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS?

Again, it's just a piece of my mind,

through what I've observed.

I'm not sure if what I said is right.

I'M NOT MARRIED YET.

but I really hope that one day when I am,

I could be like my parents and my uncles and aunts.

The patience and all.

You, you right there reading this, we'll be in this together okay?

(Fatin, PLEASE)

This is so random. I know. Whatever.

I'm not even making any sense.

It's the hormone.

I know it's them.

UNFAIR

You know how we girls

would have that awful feeling

sometimes about yourself

and most of the time you'll feel like

everything in the world is so annoying

but in actual fact you're the annoying one.

Like it would happen during that time of the month.

You know.

You get angry easily.

You get annoyed easily.

You'll snapped to almost everything

even the littlest thing.

I know that even if it's not THAT time of the month

some people are kinda afraid of me

like sometimes I would just snap

and I'm well aware that 

when there're things that are not pleasant to me

I mean if it's something that I don't like

it would be shown clearly on my face.

You'll see my face cringing

and I know I cant hide it.

I'm an open book.

I promise you that you'll know when I'm mad.

but you won't know when I'm sad (meheh)

I just feel like sometimes it's not fair

to blame it on the hormones

but then again

that's how our body works.

I'm thankful that God made us like how we are now.

I mean

imagine if guys have PMS

that would be very bad don't you think?

Like we girls are known to be soft and yet when PMS hit us

we'll EXPLODE!

I know you guys think that it's so unfair

that we always blame it on PMS

but life's unfair, right?

Again would like to apologise to people

who I kinda snapped at these few days

and all those moody emotional tweets.

I'm okay now.

You can interact with me like normal.

U-G-L-Y YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI

If you know me since before 2013,
you know that i used to have this huge mole on my upper lip
right in the center.
it's ugly and I know it.
Don't you there tell me I'm pretty.

And if you know me well,
you'll know that that was my biggest insecurity.
Like I HATED that mole.
Why?
because it affected my whole life!
I was scarred.
I mean
people made fun of me,
people would stare at me like I'm some kind of alien from outer space
they call me names.
I was practically bullied.
Mentally and emotionally.
I think.

Removing it for good was the best decision of my life.
I still remember the doctor asking me "Are you sure?" for I dont know how many times.
and I keep telling him, "YES! I'm 100% sure of this"
"It might not turn out as you wanted it to be" he said.
I said, "I put my trust in you Doc." almost singing. (you know, Linkin Park - In The End)

I'm glad that my family understands.
They paid for the surgery and it's not cheap for a very minor one.
Thank you, Ma.

It's normal that people like pretty things
and will quickly judge the ugly.
I'm no exception.
It's the law of nature.

I don't know where this post is going.
I just remembered how hurtful it was back then.
I'm not sure if i'm less ugly now
but I certainly know that my worst insecurity is now gone.

NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW

Yes people see me as that
Happy-go-lucky
Care-free
Laid-back
Kinda girl.

Truth is,
I worry a lot
I do care about everything
I always think too much of something
I take those little things very seriously at times

But i chose not to show it
Because it's a waste of people's time
Nobody wants to know that.

Hurting in the inside.
I dont mind that.
As long as it doesnt get in people's way.
We're good.

RAMADHAN IS FAMILY TIME

It's been only the first week of Ramadhan

and I'm all drowned in my works.

Been busy at work,

at home,

and not to mention my occupied weekend.

I"ve agreed to help Dr H and team for the final lap of their research

in which of course I will be paid.

So it's gonna be like a Raya Bonus for me. ihik ihik ihik.

Caught up with all their travelling claims,

meetings,

budget management.

and had to work on transcribing the interview which left me with no leisure weekend.

Had a combo of headache, flu and sore throat too that very weekend.

Yay me!

NOT.

And of course my endless literature review for my thesis.

I must get it done by Raya by hook or by crook.

I almost miss the deadline for eProgress Report submission

if it wasn't for Dijah who has reminded me. Phew!

Thanks Deej.

How am I busy at home too you asked?

I know right,

it's not that I'm married and have kids and have to prepare

sahur and sungkey for them.

I'm currently living with my grandparents

and yes I still need to help Yok to prepare and clean up after sahur and sungkey.

To me,

Ramadhan is good month

to be celebrated with family.

That feeling when you wake up early in the morning,

and then wake everyone up for sahur,

and then perform Subuh together.

then later in the evening,

you come home from work,

preparing food for sungkey,

sat at the dining table,

waiting for the Maghrib Adzan,

and then eat together,

and again perform Maghrib together,

and then you go to the surau for Isyak and then Terawih.

then maybe supper after Terawih.

Aint that beautiful?

It's bonding time.

Family quality time.

I

I would have that guilt

if I go out for sungkey

either with my friends or my cousins
but that doesnt really stop me though.

Hahah because I need my time to okay.

What I'm trying to say is,

family always comes first,

Todo Para La Familia.

Everything for the family.

Make this month of barakah 

a perfect time for family bonding.

Assalamualaikum. :)

SALAM RAMADHAN 1437

So yesterday I went into a store owned by a Chinese Aunty.

She greeted me with a cheerful, welcoming "hello"

and i replied with a "hi" and a smile.

"Raya is coming ho?"

"Ya laa.. tomorrow puasa already."

She looked so surprised and said:

"Puasa tomorrow???"

"Yep. Puasa then raya lah"

Still with a surprised face:

"You tidak takut?

"Takut apa?

"Takut puasa laaa.."

"Hahah.. tidak la takut. apa mau takut aunty. Puasa good bha aunty. Help your body rest, help cleansing. Detox maa.."

"But you cannot eat boh"

"sekejap only laa.. sunrise to sunset only. then can eat maa.. tidak mati la"

"aiyerr.. can tahan kah?"

"you eat many many lah in the morning. hahah"

There were not much to see so I left.

Having that conversation made me think:

Allah has the best plan for us. 

He has all the reasons to all the things He told us to do. 

AND IT'S ALWAYS THE BEST.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

Salam Ramadhan everyone! :)

IN DENIAL

Can everyone like
hakuna their tatas
and
STOP ADULTING??!

Everyone's been talking bout
FUTURE
you know
becoming adults.

Talking bout graduating masters
looking for a job
getting married
especially GETTING MARRIED

can we just like slow down
and enjoy life at the moment,
like live in the moment,
and forget about the future?

I know we cant
and we shouldnt.
I'm clearly in denial.

Sigh.