GROWING UP

"what's your vision? what do you wanna achieve in the future?"

have you ever thought of this before?

like what's the purpose of you living in this universe?

you know that you cant just live and breathe and wait til Izrail take your life from you.

you might as well just be a robot

well at least a robot has a purpose in life

like to help easing a human's life or so.

perhaps you should be a zombie.

yep.

live your life like a zombie.

no purpose in life and all you can think about is eat people's brain.

i dont wanna be a zombie.

i wanna be me.

i wanna be the one and only Dayang Nurfatin Farzana, daughter of Awang Hamid.

(i made myself sound so indian. well it is in the blood though hahah)

all this while,

i've been holding to the "live to eat" principle.

you know.

hidup untuk makan.

i know its kinda wrong

but you gotta love good food.

haha im kidding.

i have a whole list of things that i wanna do before i die.

like to satisfy my own self.

you know things like

go travelling

have lots of money so i could buy things ive always wanted

learn how to ride a bicycle

you know

those kinda things.

looking back at those things i wanna do,

it sounds so selfish.

like

its just for myself - my own satisfaction.

what about contributing to the society?

or maybe to the world?

i came across one of the things in my bucket list which is:

to be a volunteer and help people (around the world)

yessss...

that's what i wanna do.

i want people to be happy

to put smile on their faces.

i wanna have empathy for what others are feeling

to put myself in their shoes.

i wanna make changes

especially to the mind set of the society today.

i wanna be giving

to be able to put others ahead of me and not be selfish

i wanna be inspiring

in which can only be achieved when i become successful

 and most importantly,

i wanna do the right thing.

how am i supposed to do all these?

well,

to be able to help people and make changes at the same time,

everything starts from the mind.

human perception.

the first step in a cognition process.

how people perceive things.

once i managed to grasp this,

the rest would be somewhat easy.

making changes is not an easy thing to do.

but we can start slow.

nurture it from the root.

it is my responsibility as the younger generation - the one who's gonna shape the future

to be able to take things slow and start promoting the changes.

i can probably start small,

my circle of friends.

inshaAllah...

so

"what's your vision? what do you wanna achieve in the future?"

my answer:

"to influence the younger generation to be able to make changes to the society so that the world would be a better place to live in..."

sounds like a big plan, eh?

BISMILLAH...

p/s: if mama wouldnt have pointed this question to me the other day, i wouldnt have been in this deep deep thought. i swear i even felt like a failure at one point for not having a vision. i was like, what am even doing with my life?

 

WOMEN ARE COMPLICATED

two weeks in bintulu
and i've come to that point where i dont feel like leaving my room unless i really have to
like
when i have to take my shower
when i have to pray
when i have to eat
etc.

yes people
im having proper meal
because i need to exercise in the evening.
yep
making that a habit routine now.
4 km walk (at least) every day when its not raining.
in fact
its in my 2015 to-do list
so
there you have it..

speaking of which...

i dropped a question to mama yesterday during the walk
and now im dropping this to you.

it's a random thought i get
when im all alone.

you know how people always say women are very complicated?
well i realised that
we are kinda complicated in a way.
even language make women look so complicated
so psychologically speaking,
our mind has been set from the beginning that women ARE complicated.
you know
conditioning.

what do you mean language make women look so complicated?

you see
men whether they are married or still single
we address them as mr...
mr lautner mr kim mr brown and so on.

as for us women,
we have different address for married women (madam) and single women (miss)
and we even have mrs also to address married women.
like
why do we even have more than one address???
cant we just like have one universal address for both married and single women?
i tried googling for the answer
but there seem to have none related articles.

i made mama speechless yesterday hahah
abdullah hakim asked me to ask the language creator
eh
have you ever thought how people create languages?
like how they come up with words to represent things?
hmmmmm...

im probably be thinking too much
but
i dont know
it's kinda good i think
to keep my mind busy
so that it wont rust.

afer all
im alone at home.
talking to myself
while writing this post.

LOL

JUST DO IT!

hey its 2015!

and im still in holiday mood.
lol
more like
"unemployed so im just gonna stay at home and enjoy the free wifi" mood.

ive been reading online manga lately
i like the shoujo romance kinda manga
so benon recommended me a few.

that explains why im not really in the group chats/whatsapp (heheh...)
but i respond to private chats and tweets though..

one thing i noticed from reading all those manga
is that
japanese school kids
they have that courage of confessing their love to the other gender
its like
they're ready for whatever comes ahead
like
whether they'll be accepted or rejected.
they were like
just go for it!
i kinda admire that.
the courage that is...

i had this similar talk with aunty jijot (mama's bestfriend/colleague)

"have you ever thought why nike's tagline is 'just do it!'?"

"never thought of it..."

"they were encouraging people to just do what they want. for example the shoes. do what you want with the shoes. jump, run or fly if you can... if you believe that you can, well, just do it!"

believe in yourself

and

just

do

it!

P/S: i got my to-do and to-buy list ready. gonna keep updating it if something crosses my mind. i got til february 10 to complete the list, before i turn 23.

THANK YOU 2014

its a very cold wednesday morning.
its the last day of 2014.
my brother's gonna have some friends over for new year's eve.
me?
i'll be in my room
reading online manga
and perhaps make a 2015 to-do list.
oh
im also making a 2015 to-buy list.
teehee~~

2014
has been a great year
as what i predicted earlier this year (if you refer to my 2013 end of year post)
despite the things that had happened to the world
to our country
my prayers are always with you guys.
aamiinnn..

what has i achieve this 2014?
well.....

nothing much happened in january
still warming up the year i guess.
oh wait!
went to Jakarta for a family trip
because it was Azri's wedding.

turned 22 in february
yes with the one and only taylor lautner (i love you)
joined a leadership camp
in which was crowned as miss peramah
thank you very much
*pageant wave*

carried on my final semester as a college student
from march to april
which of course includes thesis completion
which is a one hell of a journey
Alhamdulillah i made it through
so phew!

went for a volunteering trip to Pontianak, Indonesia
which was a great experience
plus i made more new international friends
and
got the chance to become an emcee
for the cultural night.
hey!
international emcee okayyy
*flip shawl*

sat for my final exam
for the last time as a student
in may.

started my internship at CADS Enhancement Center in KL
in june.
an experience i will never ever forgot.
kinda get attached to the people there
especially the kids.

enjoying my life in KL (haha)
in july

had my first ever REAL boyfriend in august
yes people
HE'S REAL NOW.
hahah
people keep asking me how does it feel.

hihihihihihihihihihi

ended my internship in september
which means i have 2 months of rotting at home
waiting for my graduation in november

december?
more rotting
more life depression after graduating
not knowing where to go
i have a very dark future now
sobssss

and that's why
"FINDING A JOB"
is on the top of my 2015 to-do list.

well
goodbye 2014!

and hello 2015!


P/S: i hope there'll be fireworks tonight or else i'll be watching fireworks online

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN

did you hear the news?
another plane missing.
2014 has been so tragic.
3 plane incidents in a year.
it's trending now.
i dont really have much to say about this.
but my prayers are with the family and friends of the victims.
Aamiinn..

i've been travelling on planes every year.
and every time i flew,
i will always have this uneasy feeling.
like the plane's gonna crash or anything.
i know i shouldnt be doing that,
but that's just how my mind works.
because i like to prepare for the worst.
call me what you want.
but i believe that if He wants to happen, then it'll happen.
of course,
we should always pray and ask for the best from Him
Dunya wal Akhirah.
Aamiinnn...

i guess now you know why i was so damn worried
when you were away,
thousands kilometers away from me.
things happened when you're near,
let alone when you're far away from me.

to all my family and friends and you readers,
i love you
and please be safe.

assalamulaikum

GAME OF LIFE

yes.

22 going on 23

not daddy's little princess anymore.

a grown woman

exploring life.

its a start of a new journey.

a new chapter.

no more spoon-feed learning.

it is now the chapter 

where

we constantly learn by experiencing.

exploring

what's there to explore?

life.

it's a crazy big world out there.

got your degree?

good.

now find a job.

got a job?

good.

now get married.

married?

good.

have kids.

and the list goes on and on and on.

these are the things that

people expect you to experience.

it's the game of life.

you have to win.

what if you lose?

well

either you weep and do nothing

or

turn it around.

however

to win a game

it was never easy.

it's an obstacle race.

a heptathlon.

the hunger games.

the maze runner.

you're no game master.

you're no God.

win or lose

it's your game.

play wisely.

NO INTERNET

Believe it or not,
i've spent the whole day without internet yesterday.
the wifi was down,
my mobile internet quota has limited,
my phone credit balance is RM0.04,
what was i to do?

i tried to send telepathic messages to all my contacts.
crazy?
yes. i've been told.

i spent my day watching tv
and sleeping
and oh!
i broke a record.
i never finshed reading a book in a day.
yesterday,
i did!
it felt real good.

the wifi is still down though.
im using my mobile data to write this post.

Kuching, see you tomorrow!

OCD SCREENING TEST (ONLINE)

so i decided to take an online test on "DO I HAVE OCD"
okay i took 5 tests just to be sure..
but i only got results for 4 tests
because apparently the second test i took didnt provide me with any result

so

DO I HAVE OCD?

I DONT!

sekian,

FOOD WITH LOVE

my mom was in kuching over the weekend
to visit my sick uncle + my uncle who has just undergone his eye surgery + my aunty who's recovering from her broken toe.
you know how my family and food are like right?
like you'll have breakfast and then brunch and then lunch then tea then dinner then supper.
the food are always on the table.
so they were posting photos on the family group whatsapp
and of course i was jealous.
i mean
food and my gramps are like the best!
Yok's famous seri muka, cucur udang, pizza, pasta, lempeng
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah it'll take me years to list it all down.

since mama was in kuching,
so i pesan her to tapau back some of the food back to bintulu.
teehee~~

guess what?
she came home with a whole box of food!
i shed tears of joy.. hahah!
there were pulut manis, apam tapai, tapai, and of course seri muka!
and the sweetest thing is,
my Maksu,
she went to a birthday party
and then there was this oreo cheese cake with almond base,
she knows how much i love these sweet things.
and she insisted that my mom take it home for me!
i love you usu!
note that it was only one slice of cake and sebiji karipap like how they always pack the food for functions..

9 more days to go!

KUCHING HERE I COME!

xoxo

NOT A NORMAL AVERAGE HUMAN BEING

i know my holiday has been so boring.
but today is like the most boring of all boring days..
why?
well it's a weekend.
it's my first weekend at home without mama.
like i wanna spend time with mama!
paham sikkkkk...

i know manjak.
so what?

thanks to my awesome friendss
i managed to have some human interaction
machine as a medium..

you know how weird i get when im with my friends
especially with benon.
i just had the weirdest conversation with her today.

i phoned her and then i actually cried
sebab terharu that she would still pick up my phone walaupun nya tengah makan
and then i was rambling and talk nonsense and laugh like real hard (yes i hiccuped and snorted)
sampe kredit abis.
and then she called me back because she wanted me to hear her play on her keyboard.
we went from phone call conversation to voice note.
i was rambling about how i dont get human interaction since morning
and our voice note convo went like this.

"kau kan ada pusak. main ngan pusak ko ada kambin gik. main lah kau ngan urg rumah sebelah. bkan ko ada pusak kah? ko cakap lah ngan pusak kau mun sik kau klaka lah ngan asuk rumah sebelah.."

"aku klaka ngan pusak. pusak ya ngeyong ngeyong ajak. kakya aku tek nak ngeyong ngeyong jwak gia?boring lah! cam i need human contact like i need human language. PAHAM SIK?"

"apa salah kau ngeyong ngeyong balit ngan nya? kau kan bukan manusia pahal nak pelu kan human language or huma interaction? ngiihihihihihi"

"apahal aku bukan manusia? apa sekda rupa manusia ka rupa aku tok? eeeeeeeeee"

"hekhekhekhek apahal kau rasa kau manusia? kau memang lah macam manusia tapi.. a little bit weird.. er kott.. than a normal average human being. neda orang biasa nangis nangga pensel gugok arumbulak alu nak nangis alu sedih riok rembeh"

"whaaaaaaaaaat?? like you define normal average human being. like how are they supposed to act? sik macam aku kah? aku manusia jwak cam kau. mun aku bukan manusia kau pun mukan manusia okayyy"

"sebab ya lah ta 2 kawaaannn.. naaaa.. mun sik sik lah ko dapta kawan ngan aku nak. mun sik sik lah aku boleh berbual ada interaction ngan kau.. sebab ta 2 samaaaaa.. samaaaaaa.. pelikkkk.. mihmihmihmihmih"

"mena jwak non oh kira ta 2 duak dalm berjuta lah non oh? nak? nak? nak? naknaknaknaknak???"

and then benon tertido.

so saya bukan manusia.
okay.